This week, Amanda interviews on of our recent Memoir Method graduates, Hope Fabillar, about her process and experience writing her memoir. Hope’s book is about exploring family secrets and the surprising self-discovery that can happen through that process. Like many memoirists, she has had to navigate difficult questions about how to embark on writing a deeply personal family, even as that family dynamic continues to change through he process.
Before we get into today’s post, we wanted to ask—do you have a plan for actually finishing your memoir? If not, we know you aren’t making the progress you hoped for. That’s why we developed The Memoir Method Checklist. This free guide (and video training!) will take you through every single step you need from idea to published marketable book. Grab it now at https://pageandpodium.com/checklist
Amanda: When you’re first starting out, the process of writing your first memoir, it can be so difficult to know what to expect, and that’s why today I wanted to bring on a special guest. Today, we’re going to be talking to Hope Fabillar, and she has just graduated from our group program, The Memoir Method. She was an A+ student and I wanted to have her share a little bit about her process. I’ll let you know, I hear so many people curious about how they will protect their relationship with friends and family and Hope really had to grapple with that. If you are wondering how to embark on this memoir journey with a deeply personal family story, you are going to want to stay tuned for this episode.
I am so excited to get into this conversation because I know y’all are going to love Hope as much as we do. Her book is so great. We have so many good topics for you today. First, let me introduce Hope so that you have a little sense of her background. From the newsroom to the audiobook, Narrator’s Microphone and Author’s Chair, Hope Fabillar has established herself as a well-known name in Australian radio journalism. She’s a two-time Australian Commercial Radio Awards finalist, an emerging audiobook narrator, and now a memoirist. Welcome, Hope. I’m so excited to have you on the show.
Hope: Thank you. Thank you for having me.
Amanda: Let’s start out—I know people are going to want to pick this book up when it comes out. Tell us a little bit about your book. What are the main topics, themes, messages? What were you trying to say in your book?
Hope: It’s about my search for my biological father, because I grew up thinking my father died when I was 18 months old. That’s what I was told. I knew very little about him, but I just stuck with that narrative. The older I got, I thought, “Who was he? I’ve got his name. What did he do? He was a pilot. What else?” I couldn’t find anything about him. This is what the main gist of the book is about finding who my father was.
Amanda: Oh, my gosh. What folks at home don’t know is that you had to start writing this book before you even knew how the story was going to play out.
Hope: I did. It was very strange. Without giving away too much that was in the book, I ran into a medium, and this was years before I wrote the book. She said to me, “Your father is here.” I said, “What?
Amanda: Oh my gosh.
Hope: “My father’s at home working television. What are you talking about, lady?” Then she said, “I’m sorry.” “Oh.” That’s where it all started. It didn’t get me going. It didn’t compel me to write the book at that stage. It wasn’t until a few years later on that I did want to write it.
Amanda: That’s right. As a journalist, you really were doing something that you had done a lot of times. You’re tracing down the story, trying to figure out what’s going to be the most interesting angle. When you’re covering yourself, when you’re writing about yourself, that is such a different experience. What was it like to be uncovering the stages of this journey and realizing that you were going to share this with a broader public?
Hope: The whole process kept changing. I would say, “Yes, that’s it. I’ll write about my father. Okay, great, let’s do this.” Then things would crop up, discoveries. It was like, “What?” It was a plot twist as I started writing. Towards the end, it was not what I had expected. There were things that came up, surprising things, good surprises. So much happened along the way that you just don’t expect when you’re writing a book.
Amanda: That’s right. Talk a little bit about what the process of writing was like for you. Of course, I’ve heard your story as you were writing, but I think it’s so useful for folks to hear about the triumph. Of course, you finished your draft, but also there are a lot of struggles along the way. What kinds of things were challenging for you as you were putting your book together?
Hope: I thought, “Well, this is good. All right. I’ll write a book. How hard could it be? People do it all the time.” I sat down and I thought, “Oh, I’m going to need an outline.” I didn’t know what I did, as an outline, wasn’t the outline is supposed to do, it was high school material, few lines, there we go, type, type, type, type, type. Two pages later, my story’s done and I thought, “Oh, how do people write a book? This is not as easy as I thought.”
From there, I just thought, “This is too hard. I can’t do it. I’ve written my story in two, three pages. How do I expand this?” I shelved it like a lot of people do. They have this wonderful book idea, they write what they think it is, it’s maybe two pages, three pages. Then they go, “Oh, I’m stuck. I don’t know.” I shelved it and I shelved for three, four years.
Amanda: How does that feel now looking back? That is such a common thing. I’ve heard from people that they had shelved their memoir for 10 years even. What does it feel like to come back to it? What was it to revisit it after all that time?
Hope: I looked at it. Oh, you mean the second time around?
Amanda: Yes.
Hope: The second time around, it took a few goes. It was like, “Can I do this? I don’t think I’ve got it in me to write this book.” Then I ran into one of your– I think I saw you on a video. You were interviewed on Reedsy and you were talking about the Memoir Method. I thought, “Maybe this is for me.” Then I looked into it and then I got into it, I signed up with you guys and wow, guess what? I went beyond two pages and I looked back. Now, that I’m going through my manuscript, I’m going, “I have written a book. Who would’ve thought I could have reached this far,” because I did shelve it and I thought, “I can’t do this. I don’t know how to do it.”
Amanda: There’s a lot to know. I love that you mentioned the outlining piece because I do find that a lot of times when people hear outline, they have this really rigid sense of Roman numerals and is the indent the correct amount from the margin or whatever. As you found, that is so irrelevant. Really, what you need from an outline is a plan. You need guidance as you’re moving forward. I’m curious, your first outline was two, three pages. How long did your book end up being?
Hope: The first outline wasn’t even an outline. It’s what I thought was an outline because you don’t get taught this stuff in high school. I just thought, “Oh, I’ll just write 10 lines, Chapter one’s about this all the way to Chapter 10 that will do.” Two pages later, I’m done. I thought, one, I must be missing something. It wasn’t until I knew how to do a proper outline, which as you say is a plan. Then I thought, “Oh, this really helps.”
That’s what got me through the pages. That’s what got me writing more pages because I refer back to it. It’s like a blueprint. If you are wanting to build a house, you can’t do it just by saying, “I want four bedrooms, a jacuzzi, a sauna, and a swimming pool.” How’s the builder going to know where you want these things? It’s exactly the same. That’s what I likened it to a blueprint of a house. You’ve got to have plans to know how you’re building it, where everything’s going.
Amanda: I guess, that’s true. Just like with a house, there’s going to be parts that are really fun to see come together. There’s the parts you’re remodeling your kitchen and you have nowhere to cook. What is going on? What have I gotten myself into?
Hope: There’s a lot of those moments I’m going, “What am I doing? What am I writing? It doesn’t make sense.”
Amanda: That’s right.
Hope: Am I on the right path? What am I doing? You guys with the Memoir Method, you come in the weekly Zoom meetings and I am like, “I don’t know what I’m doing. Am I doing this right?” You would have your professional input. I’d go, “Oh, I didn’t think of it that way. Oh, now that you say that–” Then I’d fill the lines in, fill all the pages in. I thought, “Oh, I should have done it from this perspective.” Without that, you’re out at sea going, “I still don’t know what I’m doing.”
Amanda: That’s right. I think especially when you get into the chapter train, of course, you’re doing chapter after chapter after chapter. It’s so easy to feel like you’ve just lost yourself. “What was I even doing?” When you get in the middle of that manuscript, you feel like you’re just on your own. You’re just-
Hope: Oh, yes.
Amanda: -flying– You have no headlights there.
Hope: There were times when I– it was climbing Mount Everest and I thought, “I can’t get past base camp. I don’t know what I’m doing. Help me out here.” There are good times, there are troughs. You go through these troughs where you’re on a good roll. Suddenly, it’s like, “Oh, you’re staring at a blank page again.” It’s like, “How do I write this chapter? What do I do? What do I focus on?” It has its moments. You have moments where you think, “Yes, I can do this. This is going, this train’s moving. This train’s moving.” I was like, “Oh, the train stopped again.”
Amanda: One thing that I notice from running this group is that there will be weeks that somebody feels really just lost and down, but maybe somebody else is feeling really good. I like that there’s– I always feel there’s a little bit of a collective energy. Did you find that having that group, your cohort of women, and then the other cohort then that added after you’d started, was that helpful to have other people in there with you?
Hope: It was. It was because the others would have their input and say, “Why don’t you describe the surroundings? What was going on? Were you cooking something at this time?” I thought, “Oh, what a great idea.” I cook, so I could talk about the roast that was in the oven while this whole scene was unfolding. That was very helpful. I’d come out of those Zoom meetings, and it would be 4:00 AM for me here in Australia. I’d come out bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and I’d had to go back to sleep. I can’t go back to sleep now because I’ve got all these ideas in my head.
Amanda: Oh, I bet. You were so dedicated. Y’all Hope was in every single call at four o’clock in the morning. We were so impressed.
Hope: Except the first one.
Amanda: Oh my gosh. Did you miss the first one?
Hope: Remember I missed the first one because I couldn’t get– I went in from a different link, and I’m like, “Hello?”
Amanda: I want to get to, I think, the juicy piece, the piece that I know everybody’s going to want to hear about. You were writing about going on this journey to find your father. Meanwhile, your family is around you. Did they know that you were writing the book? How did they react? How did you think about these are real people that are in my story, but it’s also my story? How did you navigate some of that?
Hope: Lucky for me, I don’t have a very big family, and it was just my mother that I had to talk to about it because things happened around her, and she was fine about it. Once she gave me the green light– I didn’t have to get the green light from her, but once I spoke to her and I said, “I’m writing a book,” I think she was just like, “Yes, sure. That’s great.” [laughs] There wasn’t much of a resistance, so that’s where I was fortunate to just be able to write it.
Amanda: I don’t want to give away too much of your book, but I do remember that the end of your book is so good. I’m so excited for people to read it. One thing that I really remember was that you needed to take a trip as part of the story.
Hope: I did.
Amanda: We were on the edge of our seat because some stuff that happened on this trip was going to really determine the direction that your book was going to take.
Hope: That’s it.
Amanda: What was that like?
Hope: It was the pivoting point, and I’d never met these paternal family members, because like I said, I didn’t have a paternal side of the family. I didn’t know them. Didn’t know them. I went back to Manila, and it was for another reason, but I thought I might as well meet two members of this paternal family. To this day, they don’t know I’m writing a book about this. I haven’t told them.
Amanda: Nice.
Hope: Not that you need permission from anyone to write your story. After meeting them and seeing their reactions to the DNA testing and all of that, I thought, “Oh, this has a different meaning to them as it has to me.” I need to review some things about how I’m writing this book because, as I said, they don’t know I’m writing this, and I don’t want them to pick up a copy and go, “Oh, our full name’s in this. You’ve identified everyone. External family doesn’t know.” Yes, that was quite an eye-opener because I thought, “I’ll meet them, everything will be fine, I’ll keep writing,” but not the case.
Amanda: I love what you just said, not that you need permission from anybody else to write your story. That is true. Did you always feel that way, or was that something that you had to come to over the course of working through your book?
Hope: I had a few issues coming back because I thought, “Oh, how do I write this now?” I noticed they’re a bit sensitive about certain things about what happened in the past, because everyone has different versions of what happened in the past. I thought, “Oh, I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes, and am I going to lose these people I just met from writing something about the past that they may not agree with?”
That created some contention. I just thought, “I don’t know what to do now.” It halted me because then I started feeling guilty. “Oh, do I write this book? Should I be writing this book? What do I do?” Those are the things that came up, and I just– It halted me in my tracks, to be honest.
Amanda: I remember you coming into weekly– There were several weekly calls in a row where it was really like, “Oh my gosh, have I–” You were almost done, too. [chuckles] I remember you were-
Hope: [unintelligible 00:15:09].
Amanda: -like, “Have I made a terrible mistake even starting this? I don’t know how I keep this book together and keep everybody happy.”
Hope: Everybody happy. Like I said, they don’t know I’ve written it. I’ve been dropping hints. I said, “Hey, I’m writing a book about my search for my father,” but no one put up their hand and said, “No, you can’t. How dare you?” I’m writing it. There’s nothing disparaging in there. It’s just a story. Now with a name change, with the anonymity, it’s made it easier for me to write about it because now I feel like I’m free. I’m free. I can write it. The only people who will pick up what it’s about or who they are is if they’re related. They go, “This sounds like so and so.”
Amanda: We talked about that a lot in the program. I love that you’re really narrating for us what it is like to work through that because no one knows. No one knows right off. People will ask me, “What do you think I should do? Should I just change the names?” There’s just no neat answer. There’s so many personal factors that you have to consider. I wonder if it had come out to these other folks that they don’t know about it, and they had said, “Don’t write this book. We don’t want you to write this book,” what do you think you would’ve done?
Hope: I don’t know. [laughs] That’s a tricky one. That’s a million-dollar question, because they still don’t know. Then, how are they going to react to this book? I’m hoping the fact that their real names aren’t being used, the last name isn’t even in there, they’ll be like, “Okay, this is okay. No one knows it’s us unless they’re related.” The odds of that happening with one of the extended family picking up the book is like being struck by lightning. I’m counting on that factor. [laughs]
Amanda: I think that’s right, really. Most people aren’t going to expect to see themselves on the page or someone they know on the page. I think you’re probably pretty safe. We’ll knock on wood. It is such an act of bravery. I think anyone writing their book, it’s such an act of bravery because you are really exposing a lot of vulnerable aspects of yourself, and of course, you know you’re bringing your family in, but it’s also scary, I think, to share your own journey. Did you struggle with that at all?
Hope: Yes, because I’m somewhat private. My socials are very just super– When I say superficial, they don’t have everything about family or pictures of this and that. It’s just, “Here’s what I’m eating at the moment, at this nice restaurant.” For me to write this book, it’s like, “Ooh, I need to be vulnerable about this,” because there’s nothing worse than picking up a book where the person’s not being genuine. You can tell. Readers aren’t stupid. They can tell. If you are just being icing on a cake, that book’s going to go back on the shelf. For me, it took a lot for me to be open.
It was like therapy for myself. It was cathartic writing this book, and I felt like my own therapist to my childhood self. Then, towards the end, things I didn’t realize that were happening back then, I psychoanalyzed and went, “Oh my gosh, this is what happened. This is why this means this much to meas an adult.” It was basically psychoanalyzing myself, but being open and vulnerable so that the readers can take that journey with me, because there’s nothing worse if it’s just all, “Yes, this was me and I was looking.” You need to open up in order for the readers to take that journey with you. That’s what I felt.
Amanda: Exactly. I love that you pointed that out because I do find that with a lot of the authors we work with in the group, and also people we work with one-on-one, is that you come in because you want to write the book. The book is the thing. There are so many other benefits that come from the process of writing a book that I think folks don’t–It’s impossible really, to know what that will be like until you do it, don’t you think?
Hope: Absolutely, because you don’t know what comes up. You’re writing this book, and then, like I said, plot twist, and it’s like, “Oh, okay, I’m going to need to do this now with this chapter.” Then going back, when you revise it, when it was the early days and starting it out, it was just problematic trying to get words onto that page, but when you revise it, you seem to have gone through this process. It took me eight months to write mine, but I’m going back now. I go, “Oh, yes, I could have put this in and maybe focus on this emotion, or I didn’t milk this enough, I need to do this with that.
Then guess what? It takes up another page, and you’re writing away, but it would never have happened in the first two months. I would have sat there going, I don’t know what to write. I don’t know what to write. Now that I go back, I think, “Oh yes, I should have mentioned that factor. Oh yes, that’s a good analogy. The readers will pick up that this is to do with that.”
Amanda: That’s right. Well, and I think the other thing that I remember talking a lot with your cohort about is that when you start writing and then you write chapter after chapter, you get to be a better writer through the course of that process. Very often, then when you go back to chapter 1, 2, 3, you’re like, “Oh my gosh, who wrote this?”
[laughter]
Hope: That’s exactly right because I’m missing things like punctuation marks that shouldn’t be there. It’s like, “What am I texting to someone? What’s going on here?” Yes, you do improve as you go along, and you don’t realize it because you’re just there, you’re writing along, you’re plotting along, you’re doing your book, you’re doing your story but by the time it’s all done and you’ve got that thick manuscript, well, I wish mine was really thick, but you’ve got that thick manuscript and you go back and you go, “Wow, my writing style is altered somewhat.” You compare chapter 1 to chapter 18, 19, 20. Very different and more developed towards the end.
I found that I had more pages towards the end. In the beginning, it was struggle city to get to a certain number of pages. By the time it was page 16, it’s like, “I’m on the home stretch here. Look at these 9, 10, 11, 12 pages.” I just had verbal diarrhea coming out. [laughs]
Amanda: Well, I think there’s a lot of factors. I remember you were like, I’m a broadcast journalist. I don’t know how to use a lot of words. I think one thing that happens to everybody, when you were talking about the catharsis and psychoanalyzing your childhood self is that as you go through the process, your themes get so much more complex. I wanted to ask you about that. You had actual changes to your plot, but there also were changes and refinements to how you were thinking about the theme and the message, and what you really wanted people to take away.
What was that like to shift and be open to things changing at the same time that you’ve got to have some stable ground, you’ve got that blueprint, that plan? What was it like to see some of your themes and messages shift over the course of writing the book?
Hope: As I was writing it, I found that, hang on, my theme is a lot deeper than this. The key message is a lot deeper. Yes, I’m looking for my father, but guess what? I also found myself in the process and who I am, who I was, where I come from. Now I have a solid foundation as to what my background is. I no longer get offended by what used to offend me because it’s like, “No, no, because I know now for sure that this is my Heritage, this is my background.” It was chopping and changing, but at the same time, I was learning about myself.
Sure, this is the theme, sure this is the key message, but it kept evolving, not so much changing, but it evolved. It evolved to a deeper, much more meaningful theme and key message for me.
Amanda: Well, I remember also workshopping your key message, which I love that in the early days of a new cohort, when folks are bringing in these messages to share with others in the group. I should say, for folks that are listening, the program is not– we don’t ask you to comment on other people’s writing but in those group calls, I do think there’s a bit of a magic to having a group of people that are all doing the same task, really just spit-balling about things like your theme and your message, these deeper things. Did you find that that was helpful when we were thinking about how to push you on your message a little bit?
Hope: Yes, it was like sitting with a group of girlfriends, Sex and the City style. All we were missing were the cosmopolitans. Cosmopolitan at 3:00 in the morning for me.
Amanda: Oh, that’s right. Mine’s under my desk. You just can’t tell.
Hope: It was just a chat, and no one’s judging you. You’re in a safe place. You’re in a safe place. You’re talking about your troubles, you’re talking about your book. “Oh, I’m stuck here. I don’t know what to do with this one because this person got annoyed that I said this.” The whole thing was my idea, not their idea, but everyone then says, “Oh, but what about this? What about that?” It’s like sitting with a group of girlfriends who are helping you and supporting you in every way. There’s no judgment. Like I said, there’s no judgment. You walk away feeling six feet taller because everyone’s had their say, but in a nice way, and not in a bullying way.
It’s just, I think you should do this, or what about this? It’s just suggestions. No one’s attacking you or judging what you’re writing. That’s what I loved about it.
Amanda: Oh, I’m so proud of that part of the program. We really try to make sure it is very encouraging and uplifting, and you feel supported. There’s a support piece that’s, “How do I do an outline?” We have trainings on that, but I think there’s the feeling of being supportive, the feeling that if you weren’t in a call, we would miss you. We would say, “Where’s Hope? I think that that is–
Hope: I miss you guys. [laughs]
Amanda: I mean, I think that you’ve got also those weekly emails with Emily where you’re checking in and she’s sharing her individual feedback for you. I really try to– in that program, we really want to cultivate the sense that we do know who you are. We care about you. We care about your book. I’m so happy to hear you say that.
Hope: No, it’s great. You guys see us and you hear us. You’re like the cheer squad that’s on the sidelines. Whenever we’re faltering on the track, you’re like, “Okay, get up. We’re going to help you get up. You’re going to keep running. You’re going to keep running to that finish line.” That’s what it was like. That’s what I felt. That support is next level. It’s great. That’s what got me through, because I thought if you guys went around, I would have gone, “This isn’t good enough. The writing looks crap, so lame. I don’t know what to do,” but I kept going.
I still look at it. I’m in the editing phase. It’s like, “Yes, you know what? I’m going to need to call the professionals in on this because this is my version, and I’m not going to get attached to it.” That support I found was the key– instrumental in getting that manuscript finished.
Amanda: Well, because it is so easy to fall off, like I said, especially, you get to chapter 10, 11, 12, that is where we really consistently start to see people just feel like, “What was I doing?” We actually just literally this morning we said, “Can you– we had a group member pull your key message back up. Let’s revisit that. What were you trying to go toward? I think sometimes it takes an outside person seeing you struggle like that in a way that you can’t see yourself struggle. It just feels bad to you.
Hope: You guys could see if someone was dropping off, and you just pick it up and go, “Hey, you’ve got this, you can do this.” Then that brings them– like you overcome with encouragement. You go, “Yes, I’ve got this. I can do this. I can do this.” Yes, it helps.
Amanda: You did. I will tell you my very favorite post that has ever been in that app was when you posted the picture of your whole printed-out book. It’s like, “Oh, look at that. You havethat.” Oh, it’s so fun.
Hope: [laughs] Then the video of me flicking through that manuscript.
Amanda: Oh, I love it. I was like vicariously, it’s like [sighs] we all can celebrate everybody else’s accomplishment, and you get these vicarious boosts. Oh, it’s so fun.
Hope: No, I had messages going, “Oh, you’re such an inspiration.” I’m going, “Really? I just put it on the carpet.” You don’t realize what effect it has on your cohorts. Who see that and they go, “Yes, that’ll be me in a few months.” If they’re the cohort before you, that’ll be me. If they’re the current ones, it’s like, “Yes, I’ve got this. If she got there with that, I’m going to get there too.”
Amanda: No, I think that’s exactly right. Well, I’m wondering for all of our folks watching, a lot of people are in this drafting stage. They maybe have an outline, maybe don’t, but they’re really trying to work through the process. I wondered what was for you as somebody who has written for a long time. What was the most surprising part of writing this particular type of project?
Hope: It was a learning curve. It’s a huge learning curve. Whenever you do something new, you always feel dumb because you’re sitting there, and you go, “I should be doing more than–” you tend to be hard on yourself because you think, “This should all be flowing like a waterfall. All the words coming out, easily, effortlessly.” I learned that it’s not that way. You’ll have your good days, you’ll have your bad days, but you keep on going. It’s like going to a gym if you want to get fit. You’re not going to get fit by wishing you got fit. You’re going to have to show up on days where you don’t feel like lifting those weights.
This is like weight lifting. You’ve just got to show up. Even if you type in two lines, you’ve showed up. That’s what I found. I learned that it’s not as easy as you think but to– what was the saying I heard that you don’t have to be great to start, but you do have to start to be great.
Amanda: I love it– Yes, that is so true. I think that applies so much to book writing because so many people have what you– a kind of a loose outline, an idea, and they do feel really passionate about it. It’s when you don’t know where to start it’s just really hard to sit down.
Hope: That’s it, and your brain tells you yes, yes, type this type that and then you run out of gas. You go, “Okay, well, I’ve said that now, where do I go from here? What do I do?” There are moments where you do want to stop because you think “Well, that’s the end of this story,” but no, it’s not. Remember when I said to you “Oh, I’ve got 10 chapters.” My outline was 10 chapters, “Yes, that’s it,” and you go, “No that’s going to be difficult for you.” You said, “You need to do double that number” and I said. “You know I come from broadcasting. I know that it’s all about brevity. You’re asking me to double what I have.”
Then when you reasoned with me and said “No it’s harder because the chapters will be longer,” then it made sense and I thought, “Oh, I get it.” For me, that was the aha moment, “Oh, you’re going to have to write. You’re going to have to write more, but it can’t just be jibber jabber. It has to be solid writing. It doesn’t flow like you imagine. You have to let the hardships happen because to get to the finish line, you’ll be out of breath in some points of that race, but you do get your breath back and you do have to keep running.
Amanda: Oh, that’s exactly right and this is why you have heard this advice so many times. I think we say it almost every single call. You just have to keep going and it’s so tempting to say, “Oh, but this chapter isn’t good enough yet,” and I think you had a chapter or two where we were like you might have to just leave it for now and come back to it later.
Hope: Yes, because I think some people too are perfectionists and I’m into detail and I just think, “This isn’t good enough.” I would read through it and say, “What is this lame writing?” You’re just too self-judgmental and that’s the problem people have, and that’s what stops books from being written. People get too perfectionist and say, “This isn’t good enough. I’m done.” Yes, one of the learning curves. Drop the perfectionism and you guys told me that. You said, “You’re too into it. You’re looking at it from a perfectionist lens.
Amanda: Yes, I just said to somebody on the call this morning, we look at our own first drafts but we don’t see other people’s first drafts. If you are reading memoir as you should be while you’re writing memoir, you are reading somebody’s highly edited multiple revision draft. You can’t compare that to what you just set down on your first try and wrote out, which is why the revision process is so, so important. I was so excited for you to get into that to do your reverse outlining. What has the revision process been like for you so far?
Hope: Can I be honest?
Amanda: You can.
Hope: I said to someone I feel like I’m marking my own essay in college. I feel dishon– not dishonest. I don’t know what the word is, I’m looking at it going, “Am I doing this right? What am I looking for here? I did the bird’s-eye view and now I’m into the thick of it but it’s like I don’t know whether I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing, whether I’m too biased, whether I’m too attached to the story. That’s the view I get when I’m– it’s the first time I’ve had to do revision for my own work. For me,it was like correcting my own essay.
Amanda: The good thing about having that blueprint, it does change a little bit, but you can at least always return to what was your vision, but revision is really difficult for sure.
Hope: It’s not an easy thing, but it has to be done. It’s one of those things it’s like a band-aid you rip it off, it has to be done. You can do it slowly you can do it quickly but it has to be done in order for your part of the polishing process of your copy because you’re not going to hand in your first draft. That’s too embarrassing. I don’t think anyone should do that. It’s nothing to do with their writing, it’s just it’s a first draft, it’s the rough draft.
Amanda: I think that’s exactly right and since you have– we really lean on you’ve got to have this detailed outline. Stuff does change but I know for sure that your structure is good and that is such a reassurance when you’re revising because you planned that structure and I know you put a lot of time into making sure it was really solid so you’ll be fine.
Hope: Yes. It changes but you just stick to the structure and just rejig some things but yes, you have a structure,that’s the whole point.
Amanda: I love that. As we are sending people off, I wondered if you would share what’s your number one piece of advice for someone who’s either thinking of starting a memoir or they’re poking at a memoir. What’s your number one piece of advice?
Hope: Sign up to the Memoir Method.
Amanda: I did not tell her to say that y’all.
Hope: [laughs] You’re going to need all the support you can get and you can’t do it on your own. A lot of people think I can write a book on my own. Yes, you can maybe, but you won’t have that professional support to guide you and to glean over your work and tell you well there’s a hole here and there’s a hole there you need to fill it. If you want that support and you want that book out there and you want that book to sell or people to read it, just to read it, the Memoir Method, I highly recommend it.
Amanda: Thank you so much for saying that. We are so proud of the program truly. I always wonder if people can tell. I really do love this program. I hope y’all do sign on. I would love to see you there. Hope, if the listeners want to learn more about you and your book I know that they’ll hear about it on our socials because we are so excited for you to be making this progress but are there places that they can check out your work or things that they should do to follow along with your process?
Hope: At the moment, I’m not posting much about the book but I’m mainly on Instagram and it’s just my full name @hopefabillar. I’m also on X. They’re the two main social platforms. Facebook I’m barely on just for family reasons, but they’re the two.
Amanda: Follow Hope so that you can keep up with all of that and we’ll put the link too in the show notes so that folks can grab it. Hope, thank you so much for chatting with us. I know that this is just going to be so eye-opening for so many people that are thinking about starting this journey that you are now so far along. Oh, it’s so exciting. Thank you so much for joining.
Hope: Thank you. Thank you for having me.
PS. Searching the internet for writing, publishing, and book marketing advice can be exhausting to say the least! If you’re ready for hands on, one-on-one support for your memoir, check out The Memoir Method. We’d love to welcome you into this nine-month group program specially designed for women writing their first memoirs. And don’t forget, if you’d like to chat with Amanda about the program (or any other services we offer), you can book a free consult any time!
