In the contemporary consciousness, we have learned to recognize “gatekeepers” as figures that stand, like St. Peter, before doors we want to pass through, policing who belongs in which spaces. Publishing is no exception to this idea. While there are people whose judgement has a real effect on a book’s success (acquisition editors, agents, critics, and most importantly the readers themselves), they are often not the first gatekeepers writers must pass in order to see their writing and publishing dreams come to pass. The most powerful gatekeeper is often the one who is hardest for you to see blocking your path—yourself. Writers are often the ones standing in their own way, judging their own ideas, writing, presentation, and work as insufficient for the market. They hold themselves back from even trying, not because the “powers that be” have said they are not good enough, but that they have delivered that message to themselves. This week, we have four essential questions to ask yourself to help you recognize if you are being your own gatekeeper.
Before we get into today’s post, we wanted to ask—do you have a plan for actually finishing your memoir? If not, we know you aren’t making the progress you hoped for. That’s why we developed The Memoir Method Checklist. This free guide (and video training!) will take you through every single step you need from idea to published marketable book. Grab it now at https://pageandpodium.com/checklist
Foucault’s Panopticon
The conversation about gatekeepers in publishing is both urgent and longstanding. Real, systemic discrimination has shaped who gets published, who gets promoted, and whose stories are deemed “marketable.” Marginalized writers have faced—and continue to face—barriers that have nothing to do with talent or effort. That reality matters, and it deserves its own sustained attention. But in this section, I want to focus on a different, more immediate layer of the problem: the internal gatekeeping writers impose on themselves, often long before any external decision-maker enters the picture.
To understand how this internal gatekeeping works, it helps to borrow a framework from philosopher Michel Foucault: the Panopticon. Imagine a prison yard encircled by a single, towering watchtower. The prisoners can’t see whether a guard is inside or whether anyone is watching at any given moment. Because they’ve been trained to believe they might be observed at all times, they begin to regulate their own behavior. Eventually, the guard becomes almost irrelevant. The prisoners internalize the rules so thoroughly that they police themselves, enforcing the very constraints that were once imposed from the outside.
This dynamic shows up in publishing more often than we realize. Writers look at polished, published books, at authors with large platforms, at beautifully crafted sentences, and they turn those perceived standards inward. They decide they don’t have enough followers, or enough skill, or enough authority to belong alongside the writers they admire. And because there is no real, objective threshold—no minimum follower count, no perfect sentence—they set the bar impossibly high. In doing so, they become their own watchtower, their own guard, their own gatekeeper. If we want to create freely and pursue publication with clarity and confidence, we have to dismantle that internal surveillance system. Only then can we make room for the work we’re meant to write.
Are you comparing your first draft to someone’s final draft?
First drafts vary, but are always messier than a fully edited, revised, copyedited, proofread, typeset, and professionally published book. It’s an impossible comparison. The pride of finishing a first draft, either a chapter or a book, can be squashed when they glance at a beloved author’s polished prose and immediately decide their work doesn’t hold up. But crisp, tight, well-organized thoughts are not first‑draft expectations. They are the product of second, third, eighth drafts—of editors, copyeditors, and entire production teams.
So why do we keep holding ourselves to the standard of a finished book? Partly it’s because it’s actually quite difficult to see first drafts—the catch-22 is that first drafts tend not to be published, so you won’t have a whole barrage of comparisons to make of your first attempt. It would also not necessarily be helpful, even if you could, because the working process of first draft to published book varies hugely based on the project. But is absolutely certain is that if you halt work because your first draft doesn’t measure up to someone else’s finished draft, you won’t ever have a truly finished draft.
Many of us have internalized the myth that the book we pulled off the shelf was born perfect. We imagine it arrived fully formed, as if the author simply sat down and produced brilliance on the first try. Spoiler: it wasn’t perfect when it went to the publisher, it wasn’t perfect when it got its book deal, and it isn’t perfect now. And even if it were, it still wouldn’t be a standard for your early pages. Publishing doesn’t operate on a single, visible checklist you can reverse‑engineer by studying a finished book.
That internal surveillance is not helping you write; it’s shutting you down before you’ve even begun. Stop comparing your beginning to someone else’s ending.
What scares you about publishing?
The next question to ask yourself, if you want to understand whether an internal gatekeeper is slowing you down, is simple but revealing: What scares you about publishing? Most writers—especially first‑time authors—carry a low hum of anxiety about what will happen when their book enters the world. But instead of naming those fears, we tend to bury them. And anything we bury becomes its own kind of Panopticon guard. As long as those fears sit unspoken in the back of your mind, they will quietly shape your decisions, your pace, and your confidence.
This is why writing them down is such a powerful intervention. As a journaling prompt, this question can be a genuine game changer. When you articulate what you’re afraid of, the fear often shrinks. And just as often, you can identify the support you’d need if the worst‑case scenario actually happened. So ask yourself honestly: Are you afraid of the visibility that comes with a book deal? Are you worried you’ll discover you “have no talent” or “don’t know what you’re doing”? Do you fear that you won’t be good enough at promoting the book, even if the book itself is strong? Are you afraid no one will buy it, or that you’ll get harsh reviews?
Whatever your fears are, they are almost certainly part of why your book isn’t moving forward as smoothly as you want it to. These quiet, unexamined anxieties trip writers up every time. Naming them doesn’t make you weak—it makes you free. When you bring those fears into the light, you stop letting them operate as invisible guards dictating what you’re “allowed” to do with your own creative work
Are you jealous when others publish?
Honestly, jealousy is common and understandable emotion to experience when we want something deeply and haven’t yet allowed ourselves to pursue it fully. Instead of moving toward the dream, we sometimes turn that longing inward and sideways—blocking our own progress while scrutinizing or resenting the people who are moving ahead.
Feeling jealous or angry when another writer announces a book deal is not a moral failing; it’s a signal. Jealousy almost always points to an unmet need—the desire to publish, to be seen, to have your work valued. So instead of shaming yourself for the feeling, get curious about it. Can you move toward the same dream? Are you holding yourself back with rules you believe you must obey but that no one else is actually enforcing? Jealousy won’t disappear overnight, but it can become a compass. Instead of trying to keep others in the box, let yourself out. Release the internal gatekeeper insisting you can’t do it, and step toward the community you long to join: your fellow published authors.
Who will you be when this book is finished and published?
Many writers can imagine getting to the end of the process—they’re determined, committed, and willing to do the work. But imagining who they’ll become on the other side is much harder. Publishing is a long, often nebulous journey, and we tend to expect ourselves to know how to handle challenges that won’t arise until much later. We think we should understand book marketing before we’ve drafted chapter three or have a fully-developed strategy for our publishing options before we’ve even outlined the story. But the truth is, you don’t need to have all the answers yet. And when the time comes, you’ll be more capable than you are now, because you’ll have grown through the writing itself.
This is where internal gatekeeping often sneaks in. You may hear a voice insisting, I’m not like those authors. I’m not the kind of person publishers look for. But is it possible that you will be? Once you’ve written the book, revised it, queried it, and moved through the production process, you won’t be the same writer you are today. You’ll have developed skills, resilience, clarity, and confidence simply by doing the work. The version of you who finishes this book may very well be the kind of author you currently believe you’re not. So instead of assuming you’ll never be ready, consider the possibility that you’re becoming ready through every step you take.
As you sit with these questions, I hope they give you something meaningful to chew on. None of them offer quick, tidy answers, and your responses may shift from day to day. You are capable, you are growing, and you deserve to have your voice heard. So ask yourself honestly: Is the call coming from inside the house? And if it is, it’s time to move that mindset forward and step out of the imaginary watchtower that’s been holding you back.
PS. Searching the internet for writing, publishing, and book marketing advice can be exhausting to say the least! If you’re ready for hands on, one-on-one support for your memoir, check out The Memoir Method. We’d love to welcome you into this nine-month group program specially designed for women writing their first memoirs. And don’t forget, if you’d like to chat with Amanda about the program (or any other services we offer), you can book a free consult any time!
