Perfectionism isn’t just holding yourself to a high standard—it’s putting the standard out of reach in a way that means it won’t ever be met. In working with authors and clients, we hear often “I just need it to be perfect” or “it’s got to be ‘just right’.” Often this stalls decision-making and makes writers unable to move forward in their projects, and it can occur at any stage of the process. Writers find themselves stuck, unable to start without the perfect plan, unable to keep going unless every chapter is perfect, unable to revise without assurance that the fix is perfect, and unable to move into the publishing process without assurance that it’s perfect. But this is not attainable, nor should we even want it.
If you are struggling to overcome perfectionism or any other hurdles that may come up in a book project, what you needs is a little bit of flexible how-to, accountability and community support. Having someone available, each week, to talk to about your project and help you find solutions that serve your unique project is invaluable. We hope you’ll check out our group program, The Memoir Method. Those who sign up between September 15-September 26 will receive a free one-on-one with Amanda or Emily to be used at any time during your program. And don’t forget, if you’d like to chat with Amanda about the program (or any other services we offer), you can book a free consult any time!
What does perfect mean?
For something to be “perfect” there must be objective, clear-cut standards and rules. While there are some “rules” when it comes to what works in narrative and making sure sentences are clear, these standards are flexible, imprecise, and constantly changing. Even grammar—the building blocks of sentences—is flexible and has changed over time. Some rules seem to universally fall by the wayside, like opening sentences with a conjunction or the singular they. Others can be broken purposefully for style, like sentence fragments or bending syntax or spelling to imitate the rhythm of someone’s natural speech. While it’s still important to be clear and appropriate for your audience, even what may seem black and white really isn’t.
There is no rubric on which you can get a perfect score. Writing is highly subjective and throughout the process there may be a million decisions, big or small, for which there is no objectively “correct” answer. Along the way, a muscle we all need to build is ability to chose in these instances without reassurance that this is the correct or perfect choice.
Which version of you will be the judge?
When any craft or art form, doing it regularly and with intention is going to make you better at it. You will also change and evolve as a person. One of our favorite things about working with authors, whether that is through our group program or other avenues, is to see how they change, evolve and grow as a natural part of the process. What we are proud of about the work at the beginning may shift over the course of the project. That means that the version of you that starts the project is going to be different from the version that finishes it. So who is going to be the judge of whether it’s perfect or not? When we consider it this way, it becomes clear that perfect isn’t something we can reach for, even to please ourselves, because we are constantly changing and evolving.
Through revision and editing, we can always make our early chapters as strong as our later ones, but not if we never move on from those chapters.
Are you using perfection as procrastination?
Usually, there’s a part of the process that writers will dread, though it’s not always the same step for different writers. Sometimes writers want to stay in development until their outline is guaranteed to be “perfect” without any need for adjustment. But most outlines do need some adjustment along the way! Some writers love drafting and would rather rewrite than actually revise. And very commonly writers will want to sit in revision, imagining that there will come a time when they there is nothing left possible to change. This may be the most insidious version of procrastination through perfectionism because there will be always something you can change, but there comes a point when you’re not really making it better, just different. You can revise and tweak indefinitely, but at some point you will need to take the next step into pitching and trying to get that book out into the world.
Why do I think perfect even desirable?
When you choose books to read, do you tell yourself, “I only want perfect books” or “I only want books written by perfect people”? Of course not, because that’s not a reasonable expectation and it’s also not why we read memoirs in the first place. Connecting to others and sharing the messy experience of life is central to why we read memoir, and that is antithetical to the whole idea of “perfection.” Human life and communication is by its very beautiful nature imperfect.
This is not to say you will not have high standards for yourself, revise your work with an eye to detail, or aim to have a good book or even an excellent one. What this does mean is that learning how to give yourself grace and room to make your decisions—without the reassurance of a guarantee that won’t come—is an integral part of the writing process. It’s also deeply part of what makes it beautiful, because we are adding our own unique and flawed voice to the messy and complex conversation of human life.
Can memoir be perfect?
Perfectionism is a form of black and white thinking, and like most black and white thinking, it breaks down when we really examine it. We have standards for the books we read, but we wouldn’t expect a memoir to be “perfect” when choosing something to read. If we were, why would ever read more than one? We could read the “perfect” one and be set.
This black and white thinking can come disguised. You may find yourself saying “well I know it doesn’t need to be ‘perfect,’ but…” Many times this is still perfectionism, especially when you’re using it to put off making decisions that will allow the project to move forward.
Reading is essential to improving your writing skills, and reading like a writer means seeing past the glossy end-result into a book’s structure and the author’s choices about how the story is told. Learning to read like a writer doesn’t mean learning how to merely imitate but learning the craft by example. We’re excited to announce the launch of our Memoir Method Book Club! Your first session is free, so sign up to save your seat here.
