The moment you decide you want to write a memoir, a whole chorus of emotions arise. Joy, anticipation, the thrill of finally giving shape to a story that’s been tugging at you for years, but right alongside that excitement comes fear, doubt, and the quiet urge to delay. So many worry about starting too soon, and there are good reasons not to rush into drafting before you’re ready. But there’s also danger in waiting too long. Writing a memoir offers an unique creative expression and grounded self‑understanding. It would be a shame to let fear or insecurity keep you from stepping into that experience. A memoir is both a long‑arc project—often a year or more—and deeply personal work. The good news, though, is that once writers move past that initial hurdle, the process often tends to unfold far more smoothly than they expected, especially when they have the support system in place. We see this again and again in our group program: the writing becomes easier, the story becomes clearer, and the fear quiets down. Putting your life on the page is vulnerable work, but many of the specific anxieties people feel at this stage are signs that they’re ready to begin. Today we’re discussing four foundational steps that help transform them from obstacles into momentum—so you can finally step into the book you’ve been imagining.
Before we get into today’s post, we wanted to ask—do you have a plan for actually finishing your memoir? If not, we know you aren’t making the progress you hoped for. That’s why we developed The Memoir Method Checklist. This free guide (and video training!) will take you through every single step you need from idea to published marketable book. Grab it now at https://pageandpodium.com/checklist
Fear of Starting
A book idea gets to be indefinitely shining and perfect for one simple reason: it doesn’t exist. In your mind, it’s just a spark of understanding and story and truth. Bringing it onto paper brings with it all the fear that somewhere in the process, with all that clumsy handling, you’re going to ruin it.
You worry that you’ll pour months—maybe years—into this book only to end up with something that isn’t very good. The line between perfectionism and deeply valuing excellence makes us hesitate. No one wants to invest so much of themselves only to feel disappointed by the outcome. But this fear is nearly universal, and the only way to move past it is to walk straight through it. It’s one of the biggest reasons women hesitate to begin their memoirs, even when they’re more ready than they realize.
Another common fear is that you’ll never finish. That you’ll tell people you’re writing a book, sit down at the coffee shop with the best intentions, stare at the blinking cursor, and eventually have to admit you were in over your head. This is such a painful, common form of self‑talk among women memoirists, and it breaks my heart every time I hear it. But if either of these fears is sitting in your chest, take heart. Once you begin—once you have a plan, a structure, and a clear path forward—those fears almost always shrink dramatically. They feel enormous only when you’re still standing at the starting line.
Tell Your Story
This may sound too on‑the‑nose, but the point of a memoir is to tell your story. One of the most common, and most misguided, impulses I see is the fear that talking about your story out loud will somehow “spoil” the book. Many women worry that if they share too much—especially the meaning behind the events—people won’t want to read the finished memoir because they’ll already “know everything.”
The opposite is true. Sharing the major points and insights is exactly what you’ll be doing when you promote your book later. Talking about your story now is one of the fastest ways to help crystallize the messages and topic of your book and what you want it to do for readers. Start sharing pieces of your story in the natural flow of your life. When you’re at a networking event, chatting with a friend, or connecting with someone who’s going through something similar, pay attention to the moments when a story of yours could genuinely contribute. You don’t have to force anything—you’re just staying open to opportunities to speak from your lived experience.
When you do this, two powerful things happen. First, you get real‑time feedback from the people who resemble your future readers. Their reactions—what lights them up, what confuses them, what prompts more questions—give you invaluable data about what resonates and what falls flat. Second, you get rehearsal. Every time you tell a story, you refine it. You discover which details matter, which context is necessary, which insights feel true, and which takeaways land most clearly, long before you ever sit down to write.
You’re going to have to talk about this book eventually. You might as well start now, when the stakes are low and the insights are rich. Share your stories, watch how people respond, notice the patterns, and let all of that inform how you think about the book you’re writing.
Gather your professionals
Before you dive into a long‑term creative project, especially one as emotionally and logistically complex as a memoir, we recommend consulting a few key professionals, depending on the specifics of your project. You’d talk to a doctor or a trainer before running your first marathon, and it’s just as wise to check in with people who can support you in the areas where memoir writing tends to be most demanding.
Talking with a mental professional can be grounding and provide enormous support to your health in the process. Memoir writing can stir up old emotions, surface unresolved experiences, and ask you to revisit chapters of your life you may not have looked at in years. Whether you work with a therapist, psychiatrist, religious or spiritual counselor, let them know you’re considering this project. Even if your memoir doesn’t center on trauma, having someone who knows you well and can help you navigate the emotional terrain of writing is invaluable.
Second, if your story involves people or situations that raise legal concerns, it’s worth consulting an attorney. Not everyone needs this step, but if you’re worried that someone in your book might react litigiously, getting clarity from a lawyer who understands defamation, privacy, or publishing issues can be reassuring.. Often, your existing attorney (if you have one) can refer you to someone with the right expertise. The goal here is to distinguish between fear rooted in the unknown and fear rooted in actual legal risk, so you can move forward with confidence rather than hesitation.
Finally, speak with someone in the book industry. This could be an editor, a book coach, a writing teacher, or anyone who works closely with authors. Sure, you could DIY the entire process, but hearing from someone who has walked this path can help you understand what kind of support you may want or need. Ask about the resources they relied on when they were learning to write books, the challenges they see first‑time memoirists face, and the types of guidance they recommend. You don’t have to follow every piece of advice, but having an experienced voice in your corner gives you a clearer sense of the road ahead. It’s important to note that most writers with books published today have invested professional editorial support before they’re published, regardless of how they are published.
Determine a Budget
Speaking of investment, before you begin writing your memoir, take time to think through the financial side of the journey. Budgeting for editorial or design support ahead of time helps you move through the process with far more confidence and far fewer surprises.
There are many forms of support you can invest in that come into play at multiple stages of the process. Feedback and guidance is valuable even during the early development stage. This is where you clarify your topic, refine your message, and build a strong outline. Getting feedback on your development before you start drafting makes the entire writing experience smoother and more efficient.
You may also need support during the writing itself, and you will definitely need support once the manuscript is finished. No excellent book is created in total isolation. Even seasoned authors rely on coaches, editors, and trusted readers to help them shape the work. Support is not a luxury; it’s part of the process of creating a book you’re proud of.
This doesn’t mean you must spend a fortune. Your budget might be modest, so carefully planning what stages you will allocate that paid support should be part of your early decision making. Whether you hold off until you have a draft or have paid support throughout the process, the key is to be honest with yourself about what you’ll need to finish the book and feel good about the final product.
Establish your support system
Before you begin writing, take time to intentionally build the support system that will carry you through the process. This might include some of the paid support we mentioned above, but also support among your friends and family who show interest and cheer you on. Both matter, and both make the writing journey far more sustainable.
Ask a friend or family member to check in once a week or every other week to see how your writing is going. Some writers gather a small group of friends or fellow creatives to write together. You don’t all have to write—if you know other creatives, make time to work alongside. Years ago, long before Page & Podium existed, I met Amanda and a few other writers every Friday afternoon. We wrote for a couple of hours, clinked glasses, and headed into the weekend.
You can also create more structured support if that appeals to you—like forming a writing group, planning a DIY writing retreat with friends, or joining an existing community of writers, like The Memoir Method. These kinds of gatherings don’t have to be elaborate. What matters is the shared commitment and the sense of camaraderie. Whatever shape your support system takes, resist the urge to keep this project entirely to yourself. Writing a memoir can be emotionally demanding and, at times, lonely. But when you have people walking alongside you the process becomes lighter, steadier, and far more enjoyable. And here’s a truth I’ve seen again and again: writers who enjoy the process write better books. So give yourself the gift of support from the very beginning.
Reading is essential to improving your writing skills, and reading like a writer means seeing past the glossy end-result into a book’s structure and the author’s choices about how the story is told. Learning to read like a writer doesn’t mean learning how to merely imitate but learning the craft by example. We’re excited to announce the launch of our Memoir Method Book Club! Your first session is free, so sign up to save your seat here.
