This week’s post features an interview with Denise Marsh, author of Do It For Your SELFIE! A Guide to Loving Yourself, Redesigning Your Life, and Getting Aligned from Within.
Denise is an acclaimed author and transformational mindset guide, empowering women to embrace self-love, shift their beliefs to prioritize their dreams, and redesign their lives. Denise’s expertise shines through her SELFIE workshops, engaging retreats, captivating podcasts, Getting R.A.W. with Denise, and inspiring speaking engagements.
Denise, welcome. Thank you so much for joining us.
Denise: Thank you so much for having me, Amanda. I am so pumped to be here today.
Do It For Your SELFIE!
Amanda: Well, for those who have not read your book, I know they’re going to want to go out and grab it. Tell us a little bit about what they can expect. What do you talk about in your book? What’s your goal, that kind of thing?
Denise: Yes. Do It For Your SELFIE!, by first glance, someone may think, “Oh, is this about taking a selfie on your phone?” Absolutely not. Do It For Your SELFIE! is all about that inner work. In the chapters, we really break down words such as self-worth, self-validation, self-satisfaction, and a few others. We talk about what these words really mean because somehow words have gotten lost in the translation, and you hear people say, “Of course, I love myself. I know my self-worth.” They’re wearing the T-shirts, they have the coffee mugs. However, their actions aren’t really lining up to what they’re saying.
This is not to shame or blame anyone. It’s for us to get a better awareness on what these words really mean, how they show up in our lives, how they impact us, where the lack of them may have even stemmed from, and then how we’re able to enhance them to have a more fulfilled life. The book is meant to be your bestie on pages, an inexpensive therapy session. It’s just that resource to help you on your own self-love journey. In the chapters, I also included some activities. You can bring your real life into what you’re reading, so that way it’s not just something you read and toss, but something you can actually apply to yourself.
Amanda: Oh, my gosh, I love it. I will tell you, as someone who is a self-help, self-care junkie, I resonate so much with how you’re talking about this because it is so frequent that we tell ourselves, “Oh, I’m doing this for my self-worth. I’m doing this for self-love.” Then is it really? Is eating that whole cake for your self-love? [laughs] I think it’s really difficult to hold on to that alignment that you talk about in this world where we’re getting so many messages. Share with us. What would you say is the most common misstep that people make when it comes to thinking we’re doing things for ourselves and really not?
Denise: Well, the common theme is that people are actually feeling guilty about doing things for themselves. You would hear this too a lot on social media, even in the movies or just in conversation, where people will take a self-care activity, such as getting their nails done or getting a massage, which all beautiful things, but they take that and say, “Okay, well, now I did something for myself.” That was it. Those are nice things to do. Absolutely. However, we’re talking about what you’re truly doing for your peace of mind, your health, your wellness, your mental state. These are acts of self-love, is saying, “Hey, do I have some healthy boundaries in place? Am I surrounding myself with the right people?”
People aren’t really looking at self-care or self-love in that way. They’re looking at it as, “Well, do I dress nice? Do I do nice things for myself?” Again, those are important too, but what’s most important is how are you feeling on the inside, and how are you actually living your life day to day? Those are true indicators of how you’re treating yourself. For a lot of people, you will hear– I hear a lot from my clients how they feel guilty about doing things for themselves, especially if they have a family or if they have parents they take care of or children or a partner.
They’re just thinking, “Well, isn’t it bad if I do this for myself?” Or, “I would rather go take a bubble bath, but should I go watch a movie with my kids instead, even though they’ve been driving me bananas all day?” It’s this where they feel it’s an either-or, and it doesn’t have to be an either-or. It can be them and me. It’s really just shifting the way that we see ourselves in our lives instead of seeing, “Well, this is my life, but I’m putting it on the back burner.” The misstep is people are not treating themselves well because they’re not even considering themselves. They’re considering everyone else before themselves, and that’s the problem.
Amanda: Oh, my gosh, this is so true. When I talk to aspiring authors, I hear this all the time because as you know so well, it takes a lot of time. It can take a lot of money to get through a book, and I will hear people say, “Well, I just don’t know if I can justify spending that on this little thing,” which, as we both know, writing a book is not a little thing.
Denise: No.
Amanda: I’ll hear people say, “Well, but I want to write it for my daughter, so she has my stories.” That is great, but what I love about your message is that you’re saying, “You matter, too. You matter just as much.”
Denise: Yes, absolutely. That message, I feel, has been lost a bit, or you will notice now that message is becoming a lot clearer for people, but for a very long time, it’s been this, “Well, is it okay that I do something just for me or something that just feels good for me?” That’s another thing that people feel they to put an emphasis on things like, “Well, if I want to do it, don’t I have to do it for a purpose?” No, you can do it just because it feels good. Even with writing a book, there may be someone.
I’m sure you’ve had clients who come to you and say, “I just want to write a book because I just want to write a book. It’s just something that I’ve always wanted to do.” Sometimes people feel like that’s not enough. They feel like, “Well, do I have to say I’m doing this to leave a legacy? Do I have to say that I’m doing this to–” No, it can just be, “Because it feels good for me and I want to do it.”
Amanda: Yes, and it will feel good. This is the thing I really try to share a lot, is I know it’s hard to put a financial number or a time number, an energy number on what the meaning of this transformation is going to be. We were talking before we started the recording that when you’re writing, you don’t even really know what it’s going to be like until you get to the end of that, and suddenly, it’s like stepping into a different plane or a different universe. Yes, self-care, I think, and I love this message of caring about yourself and caring for yourself enough to take whatever the plunge is. I think probably folks watching, writing a book is probably top of list, but you help people with all kinds of things.
Denise: Oh, yes. Absolutely. When it comes to that wanting to do a big project such as writing a book or whatever that project may be or whatever it is that you’re wanting to accomplish, sometimes you actually find out more about yourself through that process. I know for me, while I was writing the book, I wasn’t expecting to have a lot of new realizations about myself or some new like, “Oh, my gosh, wow,” or even bringing things back up. Some things that I brought up in the book, didn’t affect me as much as I thought they would, where there were other parts that affected me way more than I thought it would.
It was also a journey of me growing as I was writing the book. That was a really sweet surprise, but you’re right. When you start the book, you may have an idea in mind of, “Okay, this is what I’m doing,” but as you go through it, or even once you’re done with the finished work, you’re thinking, “Okay, all right, maybe I feel different about this,” and it’s okay. It really is okay to say, “Hey, I first started writing this book because I wanted to use it to maybe get me more speaking gigs, to be a more accomplished speaker.”
Then after you write the book and time goes on, you may feel like, “Actually, I would rather use this book to take me down a path of just doing private book readings or workshops. That feels more aligned with what–” That’s okay to have that pivot through the process.
How to Know When It’s Time to Write Your Book
Amanda: Yes. I love that. Well, that really brings me to the question I have just been dying to ask you. Did you struggle with putting in the time and energy and all this stuff into your book? How did you decide it was time to start?
Denise: Okay. Yes, it was a journey for sure. I always knew that I wanted to write a book. I always knew since I was a little girl that I wanted to write a book. I didn’t always know exactly what the first book would be. I had an idea at one point, however, when the time was coming close like, “Oh, it’s time. I want to write this book. It is time for this.” I just opened myself up to just being okay with that idea that it is time, it’s okay. The way that we talk to ourself really does help or hinder us. I had to talk with myself and tell myself why I was doing this, and that it’s okay if I didn’t know all the answers right away.
Thankfully, I did hire support to help me through the book journey, which was wonderful. Definitely investing in yourself, investing in professionals, I highly recommend, okay, highly. That did help because there were definitely times when I felt very confident in what I was doing. I was excited like, “This is going to happen.” Then there were times when I would pause and say, “What am I doing? Who’s going to even read this book? Am I just doing this for the heck of it and it’s just going to just sit there?” There were times when I would have those moments that would creep in to ask me, “Who do you think you are to do this?” Then I would take a moment and say, “I’m Denise. That’s who I am, and I’m going to do this.”
Even for someone who– I’m a transformational mindset coach, and I am very confident within myself, and I do like and love myself, however, I’m still human. I do still have moments where I may question something or may pause and have to think like, reshift the way I’m thinking about something because it’s not going the right direction. That happened during the book-writing journey. There were times I had to re-figure out my groove when it came to writing. At first I would schedule writing days. I quickly realized that didn’t always work for me because I felt forced. Sometimes I’m like, “Okay, Thursday and Friday I’m going to write.”
Then Thursday and Friday would come, and I have no idea what to put down, but then there would be days on a random Tuesday, I’m like, “Oh my gosh, I have all these ideas.” What I did is instead of me forcing myself to do it a certain way, I just said, “Let me do it in a way that feels right and just go from there.” That took some pressure off and allowed me to enjoy the journey a whole lot more, but it is a journey. You have those ebbs and flows, and even if you walk into with a lot of confidence, it’s okay if you have a few moments of, “What am I doing?” It’s okay. Having a support definitely is a game changer. Again, I highly recommend having some type of support in that journey as well.
Amanda: Yes. Here, here. Yes, no, especially you were like, “Oh, I was going to write on Thursday and Friday. I cannot write on Thursday and Friday. I’m a professional writer.” I love that because I think part of it true is just realizing what is your creative flow. I can’t write in the evenings, I’m brain-dead, but a lot of people, that’s when they really feel creative and alive. I think you’re right, that it’s trusting yourself, backing off, staying as much as you can off of all those writers’ groups where people will I think too often share what works for them as though it’s universal. No, universal. Yes.
Denise: No, it’s not a one-size-fits-all. You have to find your groove. With that frustration can come too because you may have a plan in mind or an idea of what the journey will look and feel like. You have to be okay with knowing that may not be it. You may have to shift and just do things in a different way, and that’s okay. I feel that sometimes people get really– hold so tight to what, this is the plan and this is how it has to be done. When it comes to writing a book, especially if it’s your first time writing a book, you really don’t know what to expect.
Giving yourself that grace through the journey, through the process, and leaning on the support that you have, that helps a whole lot, but also just truly believing that this is something that I want to do regardless of the outcome. Sometimes if you think too far into like, “I’m going to sell a million copies, and I’m going to do this,” it’s great to have goals. It is wonderful to have like, these are things I aspire to do with my book.
However, knowing to your core the real purpose of why you’re writing it. I’m sure the real purpose of why you’re writing it isn’t to sell a million copies. That may be one of your goals, but you’re not putting in all of this time, money, and energy for this one goal. It’s something deeper. As long as you stay true to that, that will definitely help through the journey when it starts to get a little challenging.
Amanda: I love that. I say that all the time actually. I promise I did not prep Denise to say all of my talking points. [laughs] No, I think that’s exactly right. We all want sales goals, and especially because you are investing so much of yourself into writing a book. I would never say you shouldn’t have sales goals. Denise, you’re saying that too. Of course, you have that goal. That’s a good goal, but first of all, it’s uncertain. First of all, I don’t even think you know if it’s going to happen. You don’t even know if that’s what you’re going to end up wanting. In the end, you want to sell a million copies. There are things that come along with that, that are actually, might be pretty unpleasant.
Are you ready to get on a plane? The second that you get a call from such and such publicist, are you ready for all of just the complications with a big, big scale project? I think the other piece, and I love that you’re saying this, is that a lot of times when we finish writing that book, we do want the book in front of people, but we also realize that the book can get us in front of people so that we can also interact with people. I do find a lot of folks I work with, they want that mass media.
The books out there, we’ve got thousands of people reading it. That is such a good feeling, but the missing piece a lot of times is, but I miss talking to people. If you’re used to even social media, if you’re used to in any kind of in-person consulting, coaching, retreats, you feel like you lose a little bit of that when you go to a book because you can’t see what people are saying. They’re not replying to your social media. They’re not saying back to you, “Oh my God, I love that story”, the way that they might at the end of the keynote or the way that, in other circumstances.
Denise: Yes. That actually has become more of what I want to do. I knew one of my goals was to utilize my book as a way to get me in more places, get me more speaking and engagements. While that is still a goal, what I’ve also found is that I’ve been really enjoying the more intimate settings as well. I’ve been enjoying the workshops. I’ve been enjoying the book readings. I’ve been enjoying being in the space where we can have open conversation about topics from my book. That has been beautiful because it’s been bringing about more people having open and honest conversations in a setting that they normally wouldn’t be a part of.
I’ve been loving that, really, truly, honestly loving having the book to be a resource in those settings where I still get to be a part with other people. I still get to interact with them and where they can ask questions and they can also feel like, “Oh, wait, I’m not alone when I’m thinking about my self-worth. I’m not alone when thinking, well, I don’t even know if I like or love myself.” Even being able to be in that space with them has been such a gift. The book itself can just do so many things for you. Writing the book it’s really just that magical piece, and maybe magical is not the right word, but it’s that piece, that tool that you can truly utilize in so many ways, so many creative, unique ways.
You don’t have to do everything traditionally. You could say, “You know what? I want to use this book to do this other cool thing.” The book can just be a really great starting point or a reframing point for you, but it really does give you so many options. That’s been one of the biggest– if you think about your return on investment, honestly, you can’t even put a dollar amount on that because the opportunities truly, they just keep coming. They just keep coming.
What Results Can You Expect From Publishing a Book?
Amanda: Absolutely. I love that. Well, it segues me into the next question, which is, what would you say is the coolest result? Like you’re saying, not necessarily the highest ROI, or not necessarily the thing that you speak about on stages, but what personally for you is the coolest result out of having published a book?
Denise: The coolest– oh, actually one of the coolest things that happened, so make the story super short, it’s a really fun story. 2022 in the summer August, my husband and I were on a cruise. That was also the year my book was going to be publicly published. I remember being on that big cruise ship. It was a celebrity cruise line, and I went into their library on the ship. I was just standing there and just imagining my book being on their shelf. Later that night at dinner, I told my husband, I said, “While you were working on your tan, I was in the library imagining my book on the shelf, and it would be really cool if one day my book is on the shelf on the cruise ship.”
He said, “Okay, well next time we go on the cruise, we’ll just bring a copy and put it on the shelf.” I’m like, “No, I want to do it the right way. I want them to ask me, but I don’t even know how that works.” That was August. My book came out a few months later. The following month I get a call from someone connected with Celebrity Cruise Line asking me if I wanted to host my own theme cruise based off my book on one of their ships.
Amanda: Oh my gosh. They up-leveled your dream. [laughs]
Denise: I didn’t even contact them. This happened, and I was thinking like, “Is this a dream? Is this real life?” That was such a cool moment. Then we just got back last month from that actual cruise, and it was a beautiful experience. I’m doing it again next year. Celebrity Cruise Line has offered me– if I want to do this every year, I can, just because of my book. I hosted a themed cruise on a big cruise ship because of my book. That was really flipping cool. What’s even cooler about it, it wasn’t one of my goals. It was just–
If you want to take a goal, like I just said I would love to have my book on their shelf, but instead of my book being on the shelf, I had people on there with the copies of my book and we are doing workshops about my book on a big cruise line. That was epic. That was a really cool thing that came from this book.
Amanda: That is an amazing story. They leveled up your goal. They were like, “We see your goal, and we’ll raise you a themed cruise.” [laughs]
Denise: Yes. That was unexpected and wow. Truly, seriously, the possibilities are just everywhere. Everywhere.
Amanda: I love that. I know if you’re watching this video, you are probably thinking, “I would like to go on one of those cruises.” I think this all the time, Denise. We are going to give you some information but you have to keep watching because we have other smart important things to share first.
On Waiting Until the Time is Right
Denise, talk to me about, do you think that you would’ve been ready to write this in, say, 2012, 2008? If we go back years and years, do you feel like you would’ve been ready, or was there something about those early– the 2020, 2021, that really was like, “This is the time”?
Denise: I would say 2008, 2012, I would not have been ready. I needed to still go through some experiences that led me to the point where I felt now was the time. Even at that point when I had that strong urge that now is the time, there was even a time– during that time where I thought, “Okay, well, maybe I should wait a little bit more longer. Maybe I should wait.” Then I reminded myself, “Well, no, I can write this book and then I could write another one later.” Sometimes we tell ourselves we have to put it off because, “Oh, but I have all these other ideas too.” Great. That can be book two, book three, book four.
I took that and said, “I’m feeling this fire now, let me run with it. Let me go with it now.” When I hired the book coach, when I did that, that was a huge, huge, huge motivator for me as well because I wasn’t just flailing around like, “Okay, I’m just going to write some words.” It was having that guidance and someone who knows all the ins and outs of how to write a book the right way, how to get it seen, how to get it, all of the things.
Having that, helped me along the way because even though if I am definitely a self-starter, I am highly motivated, I could see that if I was just doing it on my own, it most definitely would not have gone as smooth if I had not hired the book coach. I feel that back some years ago, I wasn’t ready, but that was also because just where I was in my mindset and just life in general, but when the time came that I have this urge, it’s time, I had to run with it. I had to go with it.
Amanda: I love that. I love what you’re saying about book coaching. It’s not only that you have an expert, but I hear you also talking about the accountability of it, that you have somebody who knows you’re supposed to be working on it. I have clients tell me all the time, “I would not have written this week if I didn’t know that I was going to have to see you and tell you I hadn’t written this week.” [chuckles]
Denise: It definitely keeps you on track. Also just having someone who’s not a friend, who’s not a family member, but someone who can give you really good feedback and say, “Okay, I see what you’re trying to say right here, but what about this way?” It was just like, “Oh, wow. Yes, I didn’t think of it that way.” It was really great having that back and forth and just having someone who was really interested in what I was wanting to create, and being pretty much like a partner with me. That was gold. I love that.
Amanda: Oh yes. I love it. What was your favorite part of the writing and publishing process?
Denise: Oh, my favorite part. I would say one of my favorite parts was getting my complete transcript back. I remember too when I received the transcript back to go over, just make any edits or see if I needed anything. I had it printed out, and I went to pick it up from the printing place. It was around the time my daughter was going to have her baby. I remember being in the hospital room while she’s hoping to have the baby, one of those days soon, I’m sitting there and just going through it and thinking, “This is so cool. I’m going through my transcript.”
This is something you see on a movie, where the author is sitting in the hospital room with their daughter waiting for the baby to be born, and they’re just making edits and emailing the book coach back or the publish– this is my life. This is really cool. In that moment, it felt so real. Even though you’re going through it and you know it’s real, but it’s like, “Wow, this is really real.” That was one of my favorite parts. Choosing my book cover was another favorite part because it’s like, this is what people are going to see. For me, it was like, “This is so important what they’re going to see.”
My ultimate, ultimate moment was when I received the package with my book. Opening that up. It was just, this is mine. It was just this, all of your work, all of the tears, everything, it was worth it. It was worth it for me to be actually holding a copy of my work, my time, and there’s nothing that can take that away. There’s nothing that can take that feeling away. It’s like, “No matter what happens, I wrote a book. No matter what happens after this, I actually wrote a book.” It’s just one of those things that could never be taken away from you and it’s just something you did. That was an amazing moment. Amazing moment.
Amanda: Oh my God, I love it. It does become part of your identity and you see that. If you go to LinkedIn and search published author, you’ll see that a lot of people have published author in their bio. I don’t think that’s a coincidence, and I don’t think it only is because it opens so many opportunities, although it does, and having that in your byline is a good idea.
I think it’s a lot of what you’re saying too, Denise, is that it becomes kind of– it’s like, “Oh my God, I just blew my own mind. I am this thing that I have admired in other people and I have felt like was so unattainable.” You said earlier like, “Who do I think I am?” You have broken through those barriers at that point that you were holding that book in your hand.
Denise: Oh yes. My book came out in 2022 and this is 2024. That was the other thing too. In the beginning, I felt I had to do everything at once. You quickly learn that’s not realistic. You just, “I want to do a book tour, I want to do this, I want to do that.” For me, to speak for myself, it felt like I had to have a plan to do everything. No, you would take your time with whatever. Even now, now what I’m doing is I’m reaching out to local bookstores to see about getting my book in their stores. It doesn’t have to be you have to do everything at once. Your book isn’t going anywhere.
Even five years after it’s published, you can still say, “Okay, what do I want to do with this now? Do I want to have a relaunch?” There’s so many things you can do with it and continue using it as a tool, continue using it. It’s just one of those things that I tell myself, I have something that I can do so many cool things with. I have some really fun projects in mind that I want to do with the book, that I’m really excited about. That’s in the works. Even just, “Wow, these are some fun, cool things I can do for my clients or for whoever.” It’s again– everyone go write a book. It’s just–
Amanda: Go do it. [laughs]
Denise: Have fun. It is really fun to have your own book. It’s fun.
Amanda: That is so true. I think the media tells us that you have your launch day, and that is the only day that matters. It is just not that way for most authors. If you have got millions of people on your email list and it’s a huge, huge book deal and your publisher has invested hundreds of thousands of dollars in you, maybe, even then though you hear from those people a year later, they’re still doing that grind. It’s what I was getting at earlier with the, are you sure you want to sell a million copies? [laughs]
Yes, I love what you’re saying that you can continue to think creatively about what that book could do for you and your readers and the world and you’re going to get ideas. It sounds like you’ve experienced this, you’re going to get ideas from the things you do. Whatever you first start for your marketing, that’s going to give you ideas for the next thing and the next thing. If you think of it in that creative, generative, exciting way, you’re going to be able to do it for the long haul. If you’re like, it’s got to be that first day and then it’s white knuckle trying to get it out that first day, it’s just so unpleasant. Who would want to do that for any amount of time?
Denise: Yes. It can add a lot of disappointment if you try to just front-load everything at once, and then you get to it and you’re like, “Oh, I can’t do this. I’m a failure.” You’re not a failure. You just got really excited and that’s okay. Take your time with things, just relish having the book and say, “Okay, what’s the one thing I really want to do within the first year or within the first six months? What will be some really cool things that I can do later?”
That can also give you that freedom to not try to do it all at once but say, “You know, here are five things I would love to do with my book, but what I’m most excited about is this. Great. That’s what I want to do within six months of the book coming out.” It gives you that something to do but something also to look forward to with all the other future projects with it. As time goes on, you will be inspired to do something completely different with it. Even the cool things that I’m putting together now for this year and next year, I wasn’t considering doing that a year ago, but I’m like, “Oh, this would be a good idea.”
Even as you go along and even your readers may have suggestions for you. I was like, “Hey, have you thought about doing something like this?” You’re like, “Oh, no, but that’s a great idea. Thank you.” It really is just such a, I just keep saying, fun experience because it is. It really is a fun experience. Sure, you’re going to feel a lot of other things too, [chuckles] but it really is fun just knowing that, “Hey, I have something that is for me, is for others. It’s something that I can continue to play around with and do really cool, unique things with.”
Amanda: Yes. I think for you, what I’ve seen is it’s almost a foundation for your community. It’s almost like this root system that then all of these other things grow out of. I love it.
Denise: Yes. 1,000,000,000,000%. It has been the root of things. The way my coaching works, it pretty much surrounds the book. My retreats are definitely themed after the book, just all the different pieces. Even now, I am branching into even another area for my business that’s a little bit different from what I’ve been doing. I also know like, hey, this is also going to be a book one day. Once you write the first book, then you’re like, “Hey, when’s the next? When’s the next?”
It also feels a little bit easier knowing, “I did it once, so I know I can do it again.” That first book gives you that momentum of, even if you don’t want to write another book, but it just makes it, “Whatever the next thing I want to create, I now know that I really can do it because I wrote a book.” Not saying that the book is the epitome, that’s like saying, once you’ve written a book, you can do anything. Once you’ve written a book, you can do a lot of things. You can do a lot of things just knowing, “Wow, I did something that is not the easiest thing to do and I finished it.” It gives you that momentum, it gives you that confidence, it gives you that drive to go to the next thing that whatever it is that you want to bring forth.
How to Work With Denise
Amanda: I love it. Absolutely. Well y’all, you are going to want to go get this book. Denise, you mentioned the cover, and your cover is so good. Anyway, if you have not seen this book– Yes. Look at how good that cover is. Oh, it’s so good. Denise, tell us where we can buy your book, but also if folks want to work with you, with retreats or coaching, how can they get in touch?
Denise: To get in touch with me, my website is super simple, denisemarsh.net. You can find ways on there to schedule a call with me to get on a complimentary love chat. You’ll see events that I have coming up with retreats and just everything I have going on, and even my 2025 cruise that’s themed after the book. You’ll see that information there as well. If you are wanting to purchase my book, Do It For Your SELFIE!, first, thank you so much. I appreciate that. You can find it on most online retailers. You can find it on target.com, barnesandnoble.com, booksamillion.com, amazon.com, but most online retailers, you can find my book.
Amanda: Amazing. Buy it, and then, you know what I’m going to say, leave her a review, [chuckles] is the best gift that you can give to any author. Well, Denise, this has been so much fun. Thank you so much for joining and sharing so much incredible wisdom and advice. I really appreciate having you here.
Denise: Thank you. Thank you, Amanda.
