Launching your book can be the culmination of months to years of work, and the moment of realizing a personal dream you’ve carried a long time. That also means that launching a book is full of pressures—both from your own expectations for yourself and your book, but also new challenges in facing the vulnerability that comes with using your voice and putting your ideas out there for all to see. That exposure can be overwhelming, and that pressure can build up in ways that disrupt your nervous system in ways that are not helpful in making the best and consistent decisions about your book. The psychology of a successful book launch is partly about bracing yourself for the vulnerability of exposure, but also learning how to regulate your nervous system to handle that pressure from a place that is calm, grounded, and thoughtful. This approach can often help you have a more successful book launch in terms of numbers, but more importantly it will help you retain the stamina and resilience needed to keep it going not just for the launch and the weeks and months after—but the whole term of your career.
Before we get into today’s post, we wanted to ask—do you have a plan for actually finishing your memoir? If not, we know you aren’t making the progress you hoped for. That’s why we developed The Memoir Method Checklist. This free guide (and video training!) will take you through every single step you need from idea to published marketable book. Grab it now at https://pageandpodium.com/checklist
Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Nervous Systems (and what they have to do with book sales)
There are a few pieces of terminology that help us understand how your psychological state and mental health relate to decisions we make in launching your book. The sympathetic nervous system responds to stress and stimuli that indicates danger. Generally our automatic responses to these stressors can be categorized as fight, flight, freeze or fawn. The sympathetic nervous system will slow your digestion, increase your heart rate, dilate your airways—all the bodily function that prepare you to face an immediate danger the best you can. When people talk about these responses, the focus is usually on “fight or flight” and often the examples draw from early human life or being in the wild—seeing a literal predator bearing down on us. However, we have modern stressors too, and the sympathetic nervous system can become activated in times of less-obvious stress.
The parasympathetic nervous system is that which calms the body down, conserves energy and allows for deeper, more complex thought. Your heart rate and pressure go down, your digestion is stimulated, and your muscles and mind can be relaxed.
We need both sides of the coin in terms of our nervous system, as they both serve to protect us. But sometimes it can get a bit out of whack, to use a very technical psychological term. A “dysregulated nervous system” is a state when your autonomic nervous system is not responding appropriately to your environment or the reality of your situation.
Recognizing Dysregulation
There are lot of symptoms you may recognize when your nervous system has become dysregulated, both physically and emotionally. Physically, your heart rate and pressure may rise, your stomach and digestion may suffer, you may have trouble sleeping or sleeping too much and struggling with alertness, and you may develop soreness, especially in your neck. Emotionally, you may find yourself impatient, struggling to focus or maintaining energy through the day, or easily angered and short tempered. As you can imagine, this state isn’t desirable for making the best choices in your writing career or for your book launch.
Anyone can struggle with dysregulation in times of persistent stress, but memoirists have an extra layer to this that may make it even more difficult. The act of writing a memoir often requires reliving difficult times and challenges—and that can make your nervous system react to those times all over again. This is okay—an activated sympathetic nervous system isn’t always harmful, but the harm can come in when you can’t come out of it easily, returning to that rest and digest state that is very necessary for both your health and state of mind. If your sympathetic nervous system remains activated over time, it can keep you in a state where you feel desperate. You’re always reaching for validation and reassurance, even when things are going well and as they should be. This impatience can make you susceptible to scams, like companies that promise you a spot on the NYT Bestseller list for just $20,000 dollars (this is not a thing). Even if you do avoid shady and bad-faith actors, it may also keep you cycling through well-intentioned and ethical editors more times than it is necessary or even helpful for your book.
We encourage all authors to have support systems in place for balancing and regulating your nervous system, especially when approaching book launch time.
Recognizing useful opportunities
One of the biggest dirty secrets of all kinds of marketing—including book marketing—is that there is always an element of trial and error. There will be things you try that don’t connect to the audience in the way you hope it will, and you might need to pivot to different strategies.
When you have a dysregulated nervous system, you’re much more likely to only be able to recognize when things are going wrong, or are even a little bit imperfect. This might even blind you to little and incremental successes—fooling you into thinking something was a mistake, not ready, or not working when it actually is.
We do recommend getting editorial support for your book, especially if you are self-publishing, and taking the full time needed to make sure your book is working the best it can. But there’s also a time to move forward. We have worked with authors who we have told that their book was ready for the next stages, but their emotional state didn’t allow them to see it that way. Sometimes they have even been told that same thing by multiple professionals—but were unwilling to move forward without additional reassurance that it will be okay—even a guarantee it will sell and have only positive reader responses. Editorial feedback and guidance are important, but no number of go-rounds with editors can guarantee this outcome. No book has ever been published and only garnered positive responses from all its readers. We know this, logically, but emotional dysregulation keeps us from seeing it clearly, especially when it’s our book, our story, and our vulnerability.
When you’re launching a book, there will be many opportunities to support your book sales and grow your readership, but they won’t look like quick fixes, guarantees, or shiny promises. Growing your email list, getting workable marketing strategies, and developing a presence that is recognizable and memorable to readers takes time and sustained effort.
To prepare yourself for that effort, we urge you to support your nervous system with practices that keep you grounded, able to reflect on your wins and less successful strategies with a clear mind and calm heart. There are many methods out there from therapy, gentle movement practices, EFT tapping, breathing and meditative practices, journaling. You should also be sure to care for your basic health needs. It may seem obvious, but you be surprised how often the authors we talk to during their launch week are dehydrated, sleep deprived, and out of sync with regular meals.
Whatever stage you’re in with your process, keep in touch with how you’re really feeling.
Could it be that you are actually doing so much better than it feels—but your body is still stuck in survival mode?
Could it be that your fear or anxiety or overwhelm is not a sign you’re failing, but a sign that you need a little more care, a little more support, a little more grounding?
You can do this.
You already have.
You’ve lived through the stories you’re telling.
You’ve made it to the place where you are sharing them with others.
That’s not just a step—it’s a milestone.
Tune in next week for our final part of our books sales series. We’ll be talking about authentic marketing—things like speaking, podcasting, community building, and slow-but-steady email list growth—that not only help you sell your book but also feel good while doing it.
PS. Searching the internet for writing, publishing, and book marketing advice can be exhausting to say the least! If you’re ready for hands on, one-on-one support for your memoir, check out The Memoir Method. We’d love to welcome you into this nine-month group program specially designed for women writing their first memoirs. And don’t forget, if you’d like to chat with Amanda about the program (or any other services we offer), you can book a free consult any time!
