By the time I reached adulthood, all of my grandparents were gone. I never knew my father’s parents (I think I met his mother once, but I never met his father). My mom was a middle child and her parents had their children a little later in life, so I was young when they passed.
While I remember both of my maternal grandparents well, I’ve always wished I could have known them better. I remember going with my grandmother to the Potawatomi pow wow—before she married my grandfather, she taught school in a one-room schoolhouse on the reservation, and she maintained a very close relationship with one of her students who became a tribal leader. And my grandfather worked so hard his whole life. They rented a farm and worked it, just the two of them and their children, until the day they died.
They must have had such amazing stories. But they were humble people, and they didn’t share much. I was young and, like most young people, I didn’t really grasp how little time I would have with my grandparents. I wish I had pushed them to tell me more stories.
As a professional ghostwriter, I have the opportunity to hear others’ stories for a living. The fact that we have so few stories from my family makes me cherish others’ experiences even more. When grandparents write books, I don’t think they realize what a gift they’re giving to their grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and all future generations.
These stories are gifts. They’re precious and irreplicable. One of the things that makes my heart soar is hearing from the adult children of seniors who want to pay to have their parents’ memoirs written. Since I do this work for a living, I’m skilled and practiced at drawing stories out of the quietest, humblest people—and I love getting the opportunity to do that.
But you don’t have to be a professional ghostwriter to collect your family stories. You just need to know which questions to ask.
Below are some of my favorite questions to get the stories flowing.
Questions About Childhood
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What’s the biggest difference between your childhood and mine?
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As a child, what were your favorite foods? What foods did you hate?
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Take me on an imaginary tour of the house where you grew up. What kinds of things were on the walls? Where did you sleep? What were your parents’ most prized possessions?
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What’s your earliest memory?
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What was your mother’s most defining characteristic (either physical appearance or personality trait)?
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What’s your most vivid childhood memory of your father?
Questions About Young Adulthood
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When you were a teenager, what did you like to do for fun?
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Who was your best friend in your early 20s?
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As a young adult, what was your favorite outfit?
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How did you imagine your adult life when you were a teenager?
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What was the first place you lived at your parents’ house?
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If you could travel back in time and talk to your younger self, what advice would you give them?
Questions About Family Life
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What was the most difficult part about raising children?
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Do you think you raised your oldest child differently from your youngest?
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When your children were young, who was your support system?
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What’s the cutest memory you have of your children?
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What aspect of your family made you most proud?
Questions About Maturity
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How have you changed over the past 30 years?
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Do you see either or both of your parents in yourself?
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When you’ve gone through hard things in your life, where do you find comfort?
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What’s the best part about getting older?
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How have your friendships changed over your lifetime?
Questions About the World
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What’s the biggest change you’ve seen in society since you were a child?
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When you think of all the television, movies, and music you’ve experienced in your lifetime, what’s your favorite?
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If you could snap your fingers and change one thing back to how it was 40 years ago, what would it be?
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What’s the most interesting place you’ve traveled?
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How has the world changed for the better?
As you’ll notice, these questions are very specific. There’s a good reason for that. The clearer you are about what you want to hear, the more likely you are to actually hear it. If your questions are overly broad, most people won’t know how to answer. Detailed questions bring out the juiciest stories.
One final tip—don’t rush through these questions. The point isn’t to get the answers—the point is to get the conversation going. As your speak with your parent or grandparent, really listen to their responses. Don’t be afraid to sit with their answers and really digest what they’re saying. And be sure to ask follow-up questions, especially if the story isn’t one you’ve heard before.
Try these out on your parents or grandparents the next time you see them. You’re sure to turn up a great story or two!
