Have you ever wondered why memoir, biography, and true crime are so popular? I find that the root of that popularity comes from the uniquely human aspect of those narratives. The human ability to communicate in comparatively complex and intricate ways is what sets us apart from other mammals. Storytelling is innate. Humans are naturally curious and interested in each other.
Books like Jennette McCurdy’s I’m Glad My Mom Died or Garrard Conley’s Boy Erased have done so well because they are jarring and raw insights into other’s lives. The knowledge that these stories are true—real experiences of real people—makes them all the more enticing.
Have you ever thought about sharing your story? Perhaps you’ve survived a tragedy or learned a fundamental lesson at a young age. Maybe you just want to share your musings on what it means to be alive by sharing stories from your youth all the way into adulthood. But how do you do that? I’ll give you some pointers on how to get started.
Free Writing—Keep a Journal
Think about any prominent and noteworthy stories from your life. Get a journal or open a document and jot down what happened. Don’t push the stories to be anything they aren’t yet. Just write out what you can remember off the top of your head and move to the next one. We’ll hash out the details later.
I’ll give you a story from my life as an example.
“When I was around five to seven years old, my brother and I played with the neighbor kids every summer. One of our favorite summer activities was swimming in the pool in our backyard. We’d invite our friends over to swim and be in that pool all day long. Once our fingers turned pruney, we all raced to get out of the pool and run down the street to the fresh asphalt by the school bus stop. We called this spot the “black top” because of the color. Once everyone was there, we’d line up on the grass next to the black top, and my brother would count to three. At three, we all stepped onto the road, our feet bare since we never bothered to put on shoes. The late July sun would’ve been beating on that street for hours, but we’d stand on it barefoot for as long as we could. Last one to step off won. Our feet still burning, we’d run back down the street to cool them in the pool. Last one back’s a rotten egg.”
I’ve actually written a short story about this, but here I’ve just rehashed what I could remember. It took me only a few minutes, and you get a fairly clear picture of what happened and could pinpoint themes that stand out from it. This is all you need to do. Don’t feel like every story needs to be outstanding and impactful right now. Just let it all go, and we’ll decide what to include later.
Talk to People Who Were There
One thing that could be useful to you is consulting other people who witnessed some of your stories. If you struggle to remember something, you could ask your parents or siblings or anyone else who was there for a particular story to collect any details they might remember (or even write their story). In my example, I might call my brother to ask whether he remembers that game we played as kids. Then, I’d add his details to my journal entry to help craft my story in a more comprehensive way.
This is an optional step depending on your situation, but it can be monumentally helpful.
Look for Themes
Once you’ve gotten down a good number of stories, read through them. Are there any common themes throughout? Jot those down. Consider what big themes you were thinking about while writing these out. Did many of your stories involve surviving through adversity? Did you find yourself writing a lot about your siblings or your parents or your closest friends? Maybe yours is a story of love, family, and compassion. Perhaps it’s a tale of caution and building resilience. Maybe your stories have a common thread of fragile hope and dreams of something better, and you want to use your stories to inspire others like you. Whatever it is, make a list of the most prominent themes (psst…we also have a free guide to help you figure these out).
I’ll list some themes that could be drawn from my childhood story. It could be about a strained, competitive relationship with my brother, or it might be a feeling of nostalgia for simpler times when the bright summer sun and a blue pool were all that mattered in the world. It has themes of family and friendship. Now I can consider the context of the story as well and say that it has themes of living in poverty and the innocence of children who didn’t care about that at all, happy to swim and tan our skin in the sun.
Find the common thread throughout the bulk of your stories and let that shine through.
Determine Your Story’s Arc
Now that you’ve found common themes from your life’s stories, it’s time to decide what this book is really going to be about. When you think about your life, what do you imagine is the climax? Was there ever a point in time when everything changed for you? Maybe that’s a monumental lesson you learned or a devastating heartbreak that you came back from with a different outlook on life. It could be a religious awakening or a surprising and splendid opportunity that changed your life for the better. Pinpoint that moment or time in your life, however long, and use that as the turn in your story. That’s your climax.
Next is to consider where your story began. I don’t mean the day you were born or when your parents met, not unless those are particularly interesting stories. I mean, what was the catalyst? We know where the story is going, so when in your life can you draw a line from the beginning to the climax?
“Don’t be hesitant to reach out to folks who will support you, cheer you on, and give you the motivation to keep going. This should be done throughout the writing process to keep you motivated and inspired.”
For instance, if my story was about surviving a life of poverty, I might use my summer story as an opening image. It’s a snapshot into the life of a happy child who doesn’t know struggle yet. It’s vivid and memorable. I could describe the feel of the water on my skin and the burning of the asphalt on the heels of my feet like it just happened yesterday. And it sets up the story, situating the reader in a place of knowing that this peace will not last, but it was there.
All of this needs to culminate in an ending. What sort of ending is up to you, but you’ll want to give your reader some level of closure. How does your story end? Is it uplifting and hopeful, but still unfinished? Did you accomplish what you sought to do? What was the aftermath?
In my hypothetical story, I might end on a hopeful note. Perhaps I’d give a full-circle ending with an image of me smiling in the sun with my closest friends by my side. My story isn’t over, not by a long shot, but I’m happy now. I’m free from the constraints of how I grew up.
Choose Your Supporting Stories
Once you’ve decided on the themes you are most passionate about and the general arc of your book, decide which stories really exemplify that theme and carry the narrative. In this step, you can also go through and decide which stories you need to tell. Which ones do you feel strongly about? Which ones were crucial to where you ended up? What led you to where you are or where your story needs to go?
Consider the Context
This is where you’ll need to document the important contextual details of your life. Think about the things your reader needs to know to situate themselves in your story. This can be numerous things ranging from your socioeconomic status to your racial and ethnic identity to the place you lived to the relational dynamic you have with certain family members.
I might include my family’s economic status and that we lived in a little rural town because that had a profound impact on my life. I might include things like my parents’ struggle with addiction and my struggle with my sexual orientation and mental illness. Remember, though, that we don’t want to dump all of these things on our readers all at once. That’s overwhelming.
You’ll want to decide where to include this information. Which stories need this contextual information? For instance, I might include the fact that I lived in a little rural town in my summer story, though my reader may be able to glean that from the story itself. Describing the setting there would give readers deeper insight.
Organize
Now that you have everything you need—stories, an arc, contextual details—it’s time to put it in a timeline. What kind of order makes the most sense for your story? You could choose the traditional chronological order, but that is not the only option! Your story might best be told in retrospect, as your present self recounting times past. Your story could be better if told thematically by sorting the stories into common themes and telling them in that order. Perhaps you’d like to alternate between the past and the present to get a full picture of how the past has impacted you to this day. Consider which organizational pattern best suits your story.
I might choose to tell my story by alternating between the past and the present. I think it would suit my purpose in describing how the things that happened to and around you in your formative years will impact you forever. I’ll never forget where I came from, and I think that’s the story I’d want to tell.
Gather Support
Writing a book, especially one that requires such intense introspection, can be taxing on your energy and motivation. Seek support from your friends, family, community, other authors, or writing consultants. Don’t be hesitant to reach out to folks who will support you, cheer you on, and give you the motivation to keep going. This should be done throughout the writing process to keep you motivated and inspired. For more on how to gather support as an author, see one of my previous blog posts.
Get Writing!
You’re ready. Now is the time to fight off any lingering doubts and get started. You have all of your foundation, now you get to build on it. Remember your support system. Remember that you are the most qualified person to tell your story. Seek help if you need it. Here at DAS, we offer all sorts of author services. We are here for you. We believe in you. You are an author, and your story deserves to be told.
