Writing a memoir is a deeply personal journey, one that often involves revisiting pivotal moments and sharing intimate details of one’s life. While this process can be cathartic and empowering, it also presents unique challenges, particularly when it comes to navigating conversations with family members.
In this comprehensive article, we’ll explore strategies for effectively communicating with loved ones during the memoir-writing process, drawing insights from experienced authors and professionals in the field. So, let’s dive in!
Understanding the Complexity of Sharing Your Memoir Story
Writing a memoir is more than just recounting personal experiences; it involves navigating the intricate dynamics of family relationships. One of the biggest reasons first-time memoirists struggle to finish their books is the lack of a solid plan. Recognizing this challenge, resources like the Memoir Method Checklist offer valuable guidance from inception to publication.
By laying a strong foundation and having a clear plan, memoirists can navigate the complexities of family involvement with confidence. Ready to turn your memoir dreams into reality? Head over to pageandpodium.com/checklist to grab your free copy and kickstart your writing journey today. Happy writing!
Tips for Speaking About Your Memoir with Family and Friends
As many aspiring memoir writers reach the midpoint of their writing journey, a common concern begins to emerge. They realize that while their stories may be true to their own experiences, they could potentially cause discomfort or even distress to their loved ones. It’s a delicate balance to strike, but fear not! I’ve curated six proven tips to help you navigate these conversations with your family and friends as you bring your memoir to life.
Firstly, it’s crucial to recognize that every family and friendship dynamic is unique. Your relationship with each person mentioned in your memoir will vary, so it’s essential to approach each conversation with sensitivity and understanding. While your experiences may differ, these tips serve as general guidelines to ensure that these discussions are constructive and supportive rather than divisive.
Remember, the goal of these conversations is to uplift and empower both you and your loved ones as you share your important story and wisdom with the world. By following these tips, you can build a strong support system around your memoir-writing journey and overcome any obstacles that may arise. Here are the six tips:
- Remember Your Why
Let’s start with something you might have heard before: remember your “why.” I know, it sounds like a cliché, but clichés often hold a lot of truth. There’s a reason you began writing your memoir, and reconnecting with that reason can be incredibly motivating. Your “why” is like your North Star—it keeps you focused on your vision for the story you want to tell.
In the process of writing your memoir, you’re likely to encounter numerous opinions about how it should be written and what should be included. Your vision, rooted in your “why,” serves as your compass, guiding you through these varying perspectives. Take Howard Schultz’s memoir, “Onward,” for example. In sharing his journey leading Starbucks, he likely faced differing viewpoints from colleagues. Despite this, his clear vision drove the narrative forward.
Similarly, many of the individuals we work with at Page & Podium share a common “why”: they want to make a difference in the lives of others through their stories. So, whether your “why” is personal or driven by a desire to impact others, keeping it at the forefront will help you navigate the complexities of writing your memoir.
- Invite Them to Join You
Here’s another exciting idea to consider when discussing your memoir with family: inviting them to join you in promoting your book. It’s something I’ve championed for years, and I’ve seen it create incredible results.
Take Victor James Hill, for instance, author of the remarkable book “The Ignorant Man’s Son,” available at bookstores everywhere. Victor’s story delves into the social programs he created, inspired by his sister’s struggle with crack cocaine addiction.
When it came time to release his book, Victor faced the prospect of sharing deeply personal and sometimes embarrassing stories about his family. Addiction is often something we’d rather keep hidden, but Victor saw an opportunity to turn his family’s experiences into something positive.
He sat down with his sister Shelly and shared his vision: by promoting the book together, they could inspire countless others facing similar challenges. Victor wanted to show that despite their mistakes, they had emerged stronger. Shelly was deeply moved by the idea of using their story to help others and threw her full support behind the book.
This story illustrates the power of knowing your “why” and involving those closest to you in your journey. So, as you navigate the process of writing your memoir, consider how your loved ones can become your greatest allies and advocates. How can you turn this into a partnership, where everyone’s story is celebrated and uplifted?
- Seek Feedback
Let’s talk about something that many writers find challenging: sharing their draft early. I totally understand the hesitation – we live in a world where spoilers are a big deal, and there’s this pressure to wait until everything is polished and perfect before revealing it to the world.
But here’s the thing: sharing your draft, including scenes and ideas, before it’s fully polished can actually be incredibly valuable. It gives the people in your life – your family, friends, colleagues – a chance to offer their unique perspectives and support.
I know it might sound a bit strange – standing firm in your story while also seeking feedback from those involved – but let me share a great example. Wendy Davis’s latest memoir, “The Fight You Don’t See,” is a perfect illustration. This book is a must-read, detailing her journey to the Utah state Senate amidst challenges from her own party, all while navigating the complexities of campaigning during COVID-19. It’s a real roller coaster of a story.
By sharing her draft early on, Wendy was able to gather invaluable insights and support from those around her, enriching her story in ways she hadn’t imagined. So, don’t be afraid to share your draft – you never know how much it might enhance your memoir in the long run.
- Rip the Band-Aid Off
Although we’ve focused a lot on the fear of speaking with your family, it often doesn’t surface until near the end. This has been the case for many of the authors we’ve worked with at Page and Podium. However, I want to encourage you to rip the band-aid off early.
Right from the start of your memoir journey, whether you’re on Chapter 1, 2, or 3, start talking to your friends and family about your project. It can be as simple as making posts on social media with hashtags like #amwriting to give people a heads-up. You can also bring it up during family dinners or through text messages, letting them know that you’re embarking on this exciting memoir project and that they’re going to be a part of it.
This early communication is what we call pre-suasion – laying the groundwork so that when you eventually sit down to discuss your memoir with them, they’ll already be aware of your project. This gives them time to process the idea, express any concerns, and share their stories and feelings with you. Being upfront with them from the beginning increases the likelihood of them joining you in your promotional efforts and ensures that there are no surprises later on.
Don’t procrastinate on this. Keeping your memoir a secret might seem easier, but it’s crucial to inform your loved ones early on. Not only does it provide you with accountability, but it also ensures that you don’t blindside anyone with potentially upsetting revelations later. So, rip the band-aid off early in your writing process. Sit down with your friends and family, communicate why you’re doing this, outline their role, and assure them of your best intentions towards them. It’s an essential step in the memoir-writing journey.
- Acknowledge Fallibility of Memory
Another mindset tip is to remember that memory is fallible. When discussing your memoir with others, they might remember events differently from you, especially when it comes to sharing scenes or describing what you’re writing about. This is important to acknowledge because it can also come up later on.
Here’s a cute example to illustrate this point. Walter Dechant, the author of “Oilman,” had a touching story about his life journey. As Aaron, the writer, interviewed Walter’s family members, they all had different memories regarding a merry-go-round. Walter thought he bought it from a scrap business, his son Steve believed he built it from scrap metal, and the girls weren’t sure but thought it had always been there. This discrepancy turned into a lighthearted family debate, but ultimately, we went with Walter’s account for the book.
This story highlights how memories are subjective and can vary among individuals. Our recollections are shaped by our perspectives and can change over time. It’s essential to recognize this when writing your memoir. If you encounter differing memories, ask yourself if your version feels true to you. Remember, in memoir writing, the truth is more important than factual accuracy. It’s about conveying your lived experience and emotions, rather than documenting every detail.
So, embrace the uniqueness of your memories and focus on capturing the essence of your experiences rather than getting caught up in factual discrepancies. After all, it’s the feelings and emotions behind the memories that truly matter in your memoir.
- Allocate Time for Conversations
Lastly, I want to emphasize the importance of scheduling dedicated time for these conversations. When you’re informing someone that they’ll be featured in your book, it’s not a casual text or social media message affair. It’s a sit-down conversation, a moment where you invite them into the process from the very beginning.
Approach them with sincerity, saying something like, “Hey, I’m embarking on this exciting new project, and I’d love for you to be a part of it right from the start. Can we sit down and discuss my thoughts? Your involvement means a lot to me, and I want to ensure transparency and openness throughout this journey.”
I understand that these conversations with family may sometimes be challenging. There may be moments of conflict or tension, but remember, you’re equipped to handle them. After all, you’re undertaking the profound journey of writing a memoir, engaging in deep self-reflection along the way. Trust in your ability to navigate these discussions with grace and resilience. You’ve got this!
Final Thoughts
Crafting your memoir can truly be one of the most enriching and personally fulfilling endeavors you undertake in your lifetime. However, let’s face it, without proper planning, it can also become quite the uphill battle. But fear not! That’s precisely why our team has developed a fantastic resource called The Memoir Method Checklist, and the best part? It’s absolutely free!
This comprehensive checklist is your roadmap, guiding you through every single phase of the memoir-writing journey. From nurturing that initial spark of an idea to the exhilarating moment when you finally hold your published book in your hands, we’ve got you covered. We provide you with clear steps, a well-defined timeline, and unwavering support every step of the way.
With The Memoir Method Checklist, you’ll always know exactly where you’re headed, even before you take that next crucial step. Ready to embark on this incredible journey? Simply head over to pageandpodium.com/checklist to download your free copy today!
Once you’ve got your hands on this invaluable resource, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Share your experiences, tell me all about your book, and let’s celebrate your progress together!
