An interview with Gail Harris, founder of Golden Ghostwriting and an award-winning women’s memoirist about her recent achievement as a co-author of the memoir, “Finding Zoe.”
Amanda Edgar: Today we have the pleasure of speaking with Gail Harris, the founder of Golden Ghostwriting and an award-winning women’s memoirist. Gail is also the author of the self-help book, “Your Heart Knows the Answer.” She has a remarkable passion for working with women who have overcome life’s challenges and have a journey to share. She encourages women to write their memoirs to heal, leverage their businesses, and become experts in their field. She has written, edited, and evaluated manuscripts for authors who’ve published memoirs and self-help books.
Gail Harris, founder of Golden Ghostwriting and an award-winning women’s memoirist. Author of the self-help book, “Your Heart Knows the Answer” and co-author of the memoir “Finding Zoe.”
We are going to be talking about one of Gail’s notable achievements as a co-author of the memoir “Finding Zoe.” Gail, tell us what the book is about.
Gail Harris: The author, Brandi Rarus, is an adoptive mom. Originally, she wanted to write a book about why her adopted daughter Zoe’s birth mother chose to place her baby for adoption rather than parent. Brandi didn’t want to be in the book at all but when we started the interviewing process, I saw a much bigger story, which was her memoir. It was a complex story with three layers to it actually.
There was the parenting and adoption story. Brandi had yearned for a daughter her entire life but had given birth to three boys, so she and her husband Tim decided to adopt a baby girl from China, but the universe had other plans. Then the second story was Brandi’s journey to self-acceptance, told through the deaf lens. She had been born hearing but became deaf at five years old and struggled to accept herself as a deaf person. She did more and more, and went on to become Miss Deaf America in 1988 during the time of the deaf revolution.
Then there was the story behind it all, which was how the universe conspired so that Zoe found the perfect home and Brandi found the daughter she’d been waiting for her entire life. Brandi, she saw the magnificence in the story and wanted to do it. The challenge with the writing was to weave together seamlessly all these three aspects of the story.
Amanda: It’s evident that “Finding Zoe” is a story with many layers and unique perspectives. Writing a memoir can be an emotional journey. How did you navigate the balance between helping the author recall those memories, but also making sure they were comfortable and mentally healthy through the process?
Gail: It was that initial mutual understanding that for Brandi writing her memoir would give Zoe even a greater gift, which is why she wanted to write the book in the first place. There was also this understanding that her story would help the deaf and hearing communities come to understand each other better. Additionally, telling the story would help the main characters in Zoe’s life.
I’m talking specifically about the birth mother and birth father, Jess and BJ, and then the first adoptive parents, Sandy and Stephane. Brandi saw the healing value of telling that story. This insight was good, because when I began the interviewing, in a sense, she was discovering what was going to go in her book at the same time I was, and that could be very disconcerting, but there was that basic understanding that this story needs to be told.
There was a delicate balance in the sense that it wasn’t only Brandi, but other people were sharing about very painful experiences in their lives as well. I had to listen well, really listen and listen with compassion. They loved Zoe and they really shared in this spirit, which was part of what made stories so wonderful.
Amanda: We have talked, and I remember one of the very first conversations you and I ever had was about this book, and it has stuck with me. I know you made so many just fascinating discoveries, as you said things the author didn’t even know about. What were some of the most interesting discoveries that you made?
Gail: The first discovery was the story itself, how Brandi and Zoe came together, how the universe conspired. The second discovery for me, was what I learned about deaf people and the deaf community. I had never known a deaf person before working with Brandi, and it was just such a revelation to me, and I felt it would be to most hearing people, so this became the backdrop of the story. Another discovery was the timing of everything and how I came to see this master timeline that I developed based on the main people’s lives in relation to Zoe.
For example, I discovered from doing this timeline that Tim, Brandi’s husband, was on board with the China adoption, and at one point, he changed his mind. He had many reasons, and then several months later, he changed his mind back. I was able to see on this timeline that the day he changed his mind again and told Brandi, “Okay, I cannot deny you your daughter,” was the same day that the first adoptive family made the painful decision to relinquish Zoe. If Tim hadn’t changed his mind in the first place and then change it back again right at that time, they would have missed each other. It never would have happened.
Then there was the miracle with the foster mother, Lois. Zoe was placed in foster care because there was a custody battle going on between the birth mother and the birth father. Zoe had became deaf after she was born. The reason Zoe became deaf was a very rare thing. Jess, the birth mother, had contracted CMV virus. The only way this can impact the baby is if the mother contracts it during her first pregnancy in the 22nd and 23rd weeks of the pregnancy. Even then, only 10% of babies are affected – it is rare. However, it just so happened that the foster mother, Zoe was placed with twice had adopted a boy 25 years earlier that had contracted the CMV virus and was deaf. Therefore, when Zoe was in Lois’s home at six months old and desperately needed that language stimulation, Lois was able to sign to Zoe.
It was just so unbelievable. The story was so rich.
Amanda: Clearly the story was made richer because the two of you decided to go digging for more. This was an amazing award-winning book because you were willing to dig so much deeper.
Gail: It was unusual because I needed to dig with people in addition to Brandi, and she had to trust that.
Amanda: Sometimes talking with friends and family can be really rewarding. Sometimes it’s a little bit more on the challenging side. How did you handle reaching out to the individuals and what advice do you have for people who are needing to track down information that you really don’t know whether you’re going to have a positive or a negative reaction towards?
Gail: My advice is really stay true to your vision of the story and have compassion and respect for everyone that you’re interviewing with their story.
In this situation, we were fortunate because everybody wanted to participate out of their love for Zoe. Brandi connected me with everyone. I was a little hesitant that the first adoptive mom, Sandy, might not want to participate. Her husband, Stephane, had told me she was still getting over the whole ordeal. When I sat down to talk with her, she wanted to finally share her story because the family had been judged harshly in many ways. She had given up her daughter, but when we sat down, she said to me, “Turn off the tape recorder.” I was like, “Oh–” [sighs]. She just talked. I felt so humbled that she trusted me enough to share with me, and I could see how healing it was for her, how cathartic it was for her.
Amanda: What other things happened that shaped the way you approached the project or the narrative?
Gail: It was one after the other. I have to say that there were so many surprises that every time I got finished interviewing one of the main characters, I just sat there and I literally pinched myself. I said, “I cannot believe what this person just told me.”
The story just got better and better. These two incidents were weaved into the epilogue. One was how BJ, the birth father, discovered that Zoe went to a new family, because nobody told him. In the beginning, he had sued for custody, but after some soul searching, he decided it is better if she gets placed for adoption. He relinquished her, and Zoe went to the first adoptive family. He didn’t know that Zoe had been put back into foster care and then adopted by Brandi and Tim.
BJ’s mother, Joanne, was telling me the story about how a letter came from the adoption agency to BJ. It was from Brandi. Brandi didn’t know that BJ didn’t know who she was. She went on and on, “Thank you so much, and what a gift Zoe is, and blah, blah, blah. Sincerely Brandi.” Then Joanne says, “Brandi– Who’s Brandi?” I can still remember, hear her voice when she said that to me.
Then Joanne described how the pictures fell to the floor. BJ was looking at all these pictures and they were like, “Wait, what’s going on? There’s only supposed to be one brother, not three?” Then suddenly BJ just says, “Wait a minute, this isn’t the same family. She’s got a different family.”
He was so angry at first because he was fighting for her, and then he thought she was happy at this first family and to find out that way. He was livid, but then as he was reading, he was saying, “Oh, actually, maybe this isn’t too bad. Oh, actually, this is good.” It was the way that she told the story was incredible.
Then the other one beautiful surprise is, as a result of this book, BJ and Jess, who were so angry at each other from the whole ordeal got together and healed things between them. It was beautiful.
Amanda: Words are so powerful because they give voice to these things you’re experiencing.
One of the aspects that I find so interesting about this book is that there is something larger than just the story because she’s Miss Deaf America. You’re responsible in how you frame the community not only that individual story.
I know I’ve worked with a lot of clients who they want to step forward as a member of X, Y, Z community, but when we get toward the end, they’re always kind of a little, “Oh, I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t speak for other people. I need to be really careful.” How did you balance the individual story with the broader context of the deaf community?
Gail: I would say it’s holding the big picture and weaving in everybody’s perspective. Part of Brandi’s story was that she was concerned about how the deaf community would judge her for telling her story. We weaved the hesitation that she had to share her story right into the epilogue.
Because Brandi had hearing and then lost it, she felt she was smarter than deaf people in a certain way. She was naive about certain things because she was clinging to being hearing. To tell that perspective, it was part of the story, but we had to use a looking-back perspective. Sentiments were expressed with phrases like, “I was naive. I thought that I was smarter than deaf people,” or, “I thought that I was too smart for Gallaudet University,” which is often referred to as the Harvard of deaf universities. And then phrases like, “But I see now,” lets you know it’s coming from that compassionate perspective of looking back and healing.
We were also fortunate to have the preface was written by the President of Gallaudet University and the foreword itself was written by Marlee Matlin, who is the only deaf actor ever to win an Oscar for Children of a Lesser God. They represented the deaf community, the foreword and the preface.
Amanda: What kinds of challenges did you face and what advice would you give for folks that are going through those now?
Gail: We had to tell everybody’s story from a place of compassion. It’s important to hold that stance. Whoever you’re interviewing from the past, however they fit into the story, it’s coming from a place of compassion and understanding.
Amanda: What would you say are the most valuable lessons that you’ve learned from collaborating on this memoir? What would you pass on to first-time memoirists?
Gail: Do your research because that will inform the writing and the marketing. See what memoirs or stories that are already published out there to know how to craft yours to fill a particular gap. Learn from other memoirs and stories what voice to use and who your audience is.
Then find your story’s goal or what sets it apart from other stories. As you are holding to your vision, allow the writing process to take you where it needs to go. That can be challenging at times, but you have to trust in the process.
Consult with somebody that has expertise, whether you’re having a ghostwriter write the book, or if you’re writing it yourself. Don’t expect yourself to have the expertise. Even if writing is your profession, you might need some help with the editing and certainly the marketing. Figuring out, Does it make sense to use a traditional publisher? Should I go with a hybrid or self-publish? What do I have to do to promote my book? How can I get a good ROI?
It’s a business. Anytime somebody writes a book, if they want to sell copies, it’s a business.
Amanda: If you believe your book can help people, but you don’t get the word out that it exists, you’re not going to help anybody.
Gail: That’s exactly right.
Amanda: I think both of us work with a lot of people who really want to help. They’re really tuned into the world and their community, and they really want to make change. I understand why that can feel like it’s going to clash with this business approach, but it doesn’t because to change the world, you have got to get the word out. That’s marketing.
Gail, thank you so much for this conversation.
If you’re interested in learning more about Gail Harris and her work, you can visit her website at goldenghostwriting.com or reach out to her at gail@goldenghostwriting.com. As always, if you’re considering writing a memoir and want to develop a strategic approach, take our memoir strategy quiz at pageandpodium.com/quiz.
Thank you for joining us, and until next time, happy writing!
