This week’s topic is a deeply personal and vulnerable one, as we explore into the complex journey of healing from trauma and how to know when you’re ready to write your story. If you’ve been following our content, you know we’re all about empowering writers to tell their stories authentically and safely. In the video below, Amanda outlines the four stages of trauma recovery, drawing from personal experiences and professional insights to help you navigate your path to writing a book that can heal both you and your readers. If you prefer to read about the subject, I outline the same stages in the blog post below.
Writing can be healing in itself, but it also requires some reliving of the experience in order to relate it emotionally and truthfully. When embarking on the process of telling a story that is deeply tied to a traumatic experience, our first piece of advice is to be sure you’re ready and to face that difficult process and to always hold your mental health as the highest priority.
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Healing from trauma is a continual process
Traumatic experiences can live in our bodies and fundamentally change us and how we witness the world and ourselves in it. Trauma is often something we carry with us for the rest of our lives, so expecting that there is every going to be a point when we’re one hundred percent healed and never have to feel anything negative or echoes of these past difficulty and pain is unrealistic. Keeping that in mind, we would never argue that you need to wait until you’re “over it” because that’s not an expectation you want to put on yourself.
Writing itself can be part of healing from trauma at every stage of the healing process. Writing out your feelings, memories, and experiences–whether it is a journal, poetry, disconnected notes, or the start of a full book project–can be profoundly impactful in your healing journey and can help you find the clarity and distance from your trauma to move forward with strength. You can always practice expression and reflection through writing for yourself at any stage and experience the benefits of putting thoughts and feelings to paper (or screen). However, investing the time, energy, (and sometimes money) into a book project with publication in mind is best held off until you have gained a bit of distance away from the immediate impact of the trauma.
While healing from trauma looks different for each individual, many experience a few shared stages that can be useful to recognize. Knowing that these responses to trauma are common and can be empowering.
Stage 1: Numbness
You’re in the midst of or in the immediate aftermath of traumatic experiences, it can often feel surreal. Your mind can’t quite take it in all at once and understand the reality of everything that has happened. survivors often feel a profound disconnection from their experiences. There is often struggle to define or even recognize it as trauma, especially if the trauma was a cumaltive experience over a number of years. While some instances of trauma are of sudden experiences like car accidents, violence, or loss, much more often it is more difficult to define the edges and shape of the trauma that has deeply affected you. It can be much harder to define what has happened with any sense of clarity.
This phase involves a lot of questioning and self-doubt, with individuals often feeling detached from the reality of what happened. This stage is crucial for self-protection, as it allows the mind to distance itself from the overwhelming pain. It can be difficult to even speak about what has happened to close friends or loved ones. Writing a book during this period is generally not advisable, as the emotional and psychological groundwork for a coherent narrative has not yet been laid. Instead, focus on gentle self-awareness and acknowledgment of the trauma.
Stage 2: Awareness
The awareness stage is where the reality of the trauma begins to become clear. You begin to piece together their experiences and recognize it for what it is. You may use words like “trauma” for the first time to describe what you went through. This can be a dizzy step in the process of healing from trauma, because you are going from having no words to put to what you feel to having too many. Memories that were blocked or blurred may come flooding back in crystaline detail.
This stage often brings a strong urge to talk about the trauma, sometimes excessively, which is a natural part of processing. While talking about the trauma can be healing, it can also lead to what is known as “trauma dumping.” It’s crucial to recognize that while sharing can be beneficial, writing a book at this stage can lead to a disjointed narrative filled with raw, unprocessed emotions. Instead, use this time to journal extensively, capturing thoughts and feelings that will later serve as the foundation for a well-structured and impactful book.
This stage is about gathering information and beginning to understand the trauma without the pressure of formalizing it into a book. Trust yourself to know that the new clarity you’re feeling will only continue to grow.
Stage 3: Urgency
When you start to understand what has happened to you, the need to fully understand the meaning behind trauma and express it to others can become intense. You want to help others who may have experienced or be experiencing the same thing you went through. This can be an energetic stage, and it’s tempting to take advantage of that passion and pour it into your project. However, writing a book isn’t a sprint; it’s a marathon. Diving in to a full project and rushing into writing can result in a story that is disjointed, as you are still gaining the perspective needed to share it through a book with intention and clarity. Your narrative is still being experienced and evolving. . Take this time to explore different ways your story could help others, but remain patient until a more stable sense of purpose and direction emerges. This will ensure that when you do start writing, your message is clear and impactful.
Stage 4: Integration
Back in the numbness stage, the trauma you experienced almost felt like it happened to someone else. It’s unclear and it feels like something you could never bring you could speak about or write about publically. Some people express that they don’t feel like they have a right to speak about it in this stage, as if the experience was owned by someone else or that someone else’s experience would be more valid than your own.
As you move through awareness and gain more understanding about what happened, that perspective shifts. What happened to you is part of your story. In this shifting period, how you define yourself in relation to your experience can continue to change each day. It’s common to shift between terms like victim and survivor and feel strongly about how you want to frame what happened to you.
During integration, you can start to see the trauma as part of your broader life story, understanding both what it did to you and what it has done for you. This stage involves a profound acceptance and ownership of your experiences, allowing you to merge your trauma with your identity. It is at this point that you are likely ready to write your book. Your narrative will be coherent, grounded, and infused with the wisdom gained from your journey. Writing from this place ensures that your story will be both authentic and healing for yourself and your readers.
Healing from trauma will help you share your whole story
When you have the distance and let enough time pass to experience these stages, you can produce a book that is not just a narrative of pain, not just a blow-by-blow of all that was awful that you experienced, and not just a defense of the person you were when you were in the midst of the trauma.
Your story is uniquely yours not because of the trauma, but how it fits into the greater narrative of your life. Your story in a book form should capture all of what it means to be you and that book will truly connect to your readers.
