There was a meme floating around for a while that said, “When I die, I want my group members to lower my casket into the ground so that they can let me down one more time.” Oh, it’s so relatable, right? We have all been in those group projects where we do all the work and all the other people just get the grade. If the phrase “this is going to be a group project” still sends a chill up your spine, this article is for you. We’re going to talk about how to get over the mental blocks and get the support you need when you’re writing your first book.
We’re all adults here. Why is it that this issue of the group project is something that I still feel like we need to talk about? Well, the reason is, I bet that fear of group projects is holding you back from doing the things that you need to do, particularly in getting support.
Let’s break it down a little bit. What happened when we were in junior high, high school or college, and we were assigned to a group project? Well, I know from teaching, and from experience, that usually what happened way, way back in junior high and high school was that we were put into a group. Now, sometimes this was done intentionally, but more often it was either, one, “Go find your group.” Terrifying. Why do teachers do that? As a junior high student, there’s nothing worse than being left out. You’re scrambling around trying to find somebody so that you’re not the last one picked, or the teacher drew names out of a hat or Popsicle sticks. They’d write your name on the Popsicle stick, pull out four, that’s your group, or sometimes they might have grouped the high achievers with the people that were struggling a little bit more.
There are all kinds of ways to approach this. As a student, all of those feel random. We get thrown into this group where nobody in the group knows how to manage a group or work in a group. Did you ever have training on how to manage a group? I didn’t. Nobody in the group knows how to manage a complex project. You’re not shown how to use Asana or Monday. You are just thrown to the wolves. Figure it out.
The third thing, and this is key, if you are a high achiever, you were really good at the project part.
I’m speaking for myself here. I am very competitive. I’ve always been very competitive, and it has always been important to me to push myself to be better and better and better. Now, that serves me well in a lot of ways. Because I can do a project, and I bet when you got that group project, you thought, “I can do this. Why don’t I just do this myself?” Well, group projects have another component. What happened was you felt like you could do the project, so you just did it.
You had training you needed to do the project; however, you didn’t know how to work in a group. You didn’t know how to delegate according to people’s strengths. You didn’t know how to communicate when you were disappointed in a result. We don’t really want to do that. We don’t want to call people out for not doing their tasks. We just think, “Why can’t people just do what they’re supposed to do?” It’s so frustrating.
Why does that matter now, now that we’re adults? Well, here’s the problem, we still have that mentality. All of us high achievers carry that forward all through college into the workplace. Those two things, they’re still there.
One, we know how to do the project. We believe we could probably do it better by ourselves than working in a team. Two, we probably still don’t really have any training in leadership. What that means is that a lot of times we set out on a project that should be a group project. Say writing a book, launching maybe a new media channel if you’re a businessperson, starting a new side gig. All of those are group projects, but because we felt like our group let us down in school, we try to do them by ourselves.
Now think back to those group projects, and do you remember that frustration you felt when you got the grade back when you had done all of the work? There is that 98% on your paper. You got that, but also so did Danny who didn’t do any of the work. Can you tell, I have some memories about this. You’re doing that same thing to yourself. You are the one now that is doing all the work, and maybe you’re still getting a 98%, but that feeling of resentment, I bet that’s under there.
I bet you feel so irritated that you have to do this on your own because no one can step up and no one can support you the way that you need to be supported. That’s why I want to talk about this. I was describing a toxic mindset that holds you back – and I say this from a position of love, because it’s something I struggle with too. We have to break through that wall because if you’re writing a book, you are not going to be able to do it by yourself. You just won’t, you will not get a 98%.
You might be able to do a C+ book by yourself, but I know you don’t want that. I know you know how to do the project. You want to do it right? You need to tap into the other part, the team management part. Let’s talk about why this mindset is so difficult to break through, and how we’re going to break through it so that we can get you the results that you want on this book. Let’s go into a little psychology here.
One thing that we know, is that when we experience bad things in a particular situation, our brain remembers that. For our primal ancestors, if you see something rustle in the bushes, you know to get out of there because the last time you almost got eaten by a lion. Our reaction to group projects tends to be the same as if we were getting chased by a lion – Run!
Because of the emotional and mental toll that group projects have caused, the idea of getting support, of bring our team in, is difficult. Our brain tells us, “Don’t do that. That is bad. We’ve been there. Terrible. Red flag, red flag, red flag.”
But our brain is wrong. It is safe to trust people. Let me repeat, it is safe to trust people. You will not get eaten by a lion. You aren’t even going to have to share your grade with other people. It’s going to be you, you’re the author.
When your brain sets off that alarm, you have to step back and think cognitively to challenge your instincts and emotions. Disrupt that emotional link and assume the adult role, reassuring your inner child who may fear group projects. Remind yourself that success requires collaboration.
Here are the key considerations to maximize your book’s potential without overwhelming yourself and ensure you complete it successfully. When you feel the ‘I can’t trust anyone’ feeling, remember two things.
First, acknowledge that past group projects didn’t go well due to a lack of training or framework—this wasn’t your fault. Now, shift your mindset from dwelling on past challenges to focusing on positive experiences with support. Remember those times when collaborating worked effortlessly, like planning dinners with friends or volunteering in a church group. Even family vacations, with their complexities, can be seen as successful group projects. Recognize that by embracing support in these situations, you can make it easier to seek the help you need moving forward.
The second thing to conquer is the fear of failure, the underlying issue here. You didn’t take Danny’s part in that group project because you wanted to help him; it was to avoid failing. That choice made sense at that age—it ensured the project’s completion and your own learning and achievement.
However, as adults, we often hesitate to seek support, fearing that if we struggle, others will witness our failures. Sometimes that lizard brain tells us, “Don’t let anybody see you mess up.” But that causes us to not bring a team on. If we don’t let anybody else know we’re working on that project, we can never fail. Nobody even knew we were working on it. But when you don’t let anybody else in, you’re guaranteeing you’re going to fail.
Here’s the reality: if you don’t invite support for significant projects, like writing a book, you won’t finish. You can’t play all the roles — writer, copy editor, proofreader, developmental editor — by yourself. It’s time to release the pain and frustration from the past when you lacked training and experience, and you needed to handle those group projects solo. It’s time to let go of the fears and gather your team.
The next time resistance creeps in for your big project, when you hesitate to involve others because of past letdowns, pause your thoughts. Break that unhelpful spiral. Remember, you’ve thrived in functional groups before where everything got done smoothly and you had a great time. Think about those successes, not just Danny and his nonsense.
Next, ask yourself: Am I avoiding support because I genuinely don’t want it, or am I scared of bringing support on and potentially failing? If it’s the latter, that’s not okay. We want to grow, to push ourselves. We’re ultimately still that junior high student eager to learn, achieve, and be the best.
Moving forward, I hope you’ll feel more at ease with group projects or at least head in that direction. If you’d like a team that’s already experienced in managing everyone, working together, and offering positive and uplifting support, consider Page and Podium. If you prefer to assemble your own team and you’d like some support or if you’d like some one-on-one coaching, I hope you’ll reach out.
Happy writing!
