Are you a nobody? No, I mean it. Are you a nobody? Are you a person that nobody cares what they think, nobody would care about what your book says or what your story is or what your ideas are, just a nobody? I bet you’re not. I bet you have a lot of really valuable things that you could share if you ever got around to writing that book. It’s hard in our culture to feel like you are important enough for your story to matter. Today’s conversation is all about whether you are somebody enough to finally write that book.
The idea for this article came to me a couple of months ago when I was having a consult with an author that we now currently working with. The idea that he had was for a non-fiction book that would weave together his stories and other stories. He wanted to put some celebrity stories in as well to use their stories to illustrate concepts from science. His concept was really fascinating, but the part of that consult that I wanted to talk about was what was happening when we were talking about which stories we wanted to put into the book.
To provide a bit of context, one of the things that happens when you work with a ghostwriter is you’ll spend a couple of months getting all the ideas and all the stories all laid out on paper first so that then we can organize and structure it for the maximum amount of impact. We had done a little bit of that, but what I was noticing was that he was really leaning on other people’s stories to make the points. Now, he would tell me ways that he’d experienced this concept in his own life and how it was what made him so passionate.
When I asked him, “Why aren’t you wanting to put all of these great stories from your life into this book? Why not put your own experiences at the center to really show people why you care about this concept?” You know what he said? I bet you do. He replied, “Who am I? Who would ever care about my stories? I’m a nobody. Wouldn’t people rather read about these famous celebrities than just my life?” What I told him was, “This is such a common issue, but it’s a double bind. What happens is we hold back fearing that sharing our own stories will lead to embarrassment”
If you share your story out there and then nobody cares about it, or even worse, people say, “Why did you write this book? Who are you?” Oh, that would be terrible. None of us want to go through that experience. You don’t want to look foolish by sharing your stories. However, you are actually much more likely to look silly by not sharing your stories. When we pick up a book to read, we want a connection with that author. That is double, maybe even 10 times as true when you’re talking about difficult concepts and things that you want people to apply to their lives.
People won’t ask, “Why is the author sharing so much of their life?” Instead, they’ll notice, “This author really lives what they talk about in their book, and it’s working.”
Leaving yourself out of the narrative doesn’t make you look better; it actually leaves the readers feeling unhappy because they don’t see who you are or how you use the ideas you write about.
Why do we often make this mistake? It’s a common challenge that stems from two main sources. First, there’s the fear of visibility, which affects nearly everyone embarking on a book-writing journey. We’re afraid to put ourselves out there. Second, there’s the curse of expertise. These two factors often work together. By recognizing and addressing these issues, you can enhance the impact of not just your book but all your content and contributions to the world by including yourself.
It’s perfectly reasonable to feel nervous about the visibility that comes with releasing a book. In fact, it would be odd if you weren’t. The day your book reaches readers can be both exhilarating and scary. So, why do we downplay it with phrases like nobody cares? Sometimes when we’re afraid of taking a step, but don’t want to admit we’re holding ourselves back, and we tend to shift the blame onto others.
Here’s an example from my industry, but you’ll hear this sentiment everywhere: “AI is taking over, and nobody cares about quality. Everyone just wants fast and cheap AI-generated content. Nobody will hire me.”
I often say, AI is here and growing, but can it replicate human connection? Not at this moment. When you hear phrases like ‘nobody cares,’ it’s crucial to remember that it doesn’t apply to everyone. Some may prioritize speed and cost over quality, but not everyone thinks that way. The same goes for thinking ‘nobody cares about my story.’ People do care and want to know it.
You don’t read a book and say, “Why does this author think they’re so important?” You don’t do that. Nobody does that. Your readers aren’t going to do that either.
To tackle the fear of visibility, it’s important to examine if you’re blaming others for holding yourself back. While this may be understandable, it won’t lead to personal growth. If you seek improvement in your life, career, and message, understand that the fear of visibility isn’t helping you. Avoid placing the blame on others. They’re not holding you back. You are.
The second challenge I want to address is the ‘curse of expertise.’ This one is tricky to see objectively because you might not realize the amazing things you do every day. Many people might think, “It’s too simple, too ordinary. That’s not what’s happening. I know my place, and maybe I’m above average, but I’m not that great.” It’s a common mindset.
Let me challenge that perspective once more because it really is that simple. People, even with our emotional experiences, are often in awe of what you’re doing. Maybe not everyone, but there are those who find your journey inspiring. To truly understand this, think back to yourself 10 years ago. Did you believe you could accomplish what you are today? I bet you didn’t.
Within our work experiences, our emotional experiences, our life and relationship experiences there are nuggets of wisdom that we have internalized. When we peel back that curse of expertise, we see how you demonstrate personal growth and how you applied your ideas through your story.
So, what can we do about these common issues—fear of visibility and the curse of expertise? We’re going to do the same thing that we always do when we have these emotional, mental bogeymen, that are stopping us from doing the things we know we need to do to grow.
ADDRESSING THE FEAR OF VISIBILITY
First, let’s address that fear of visibility. We’re going to go straight for the numbers here. There’s no better way to get objective about the things that are holding you back than thinking through the numbers.
Here’s what I want to ask you. Does everyone care about your story? No, of course not. How many people would need to care about your story for you to feel like it was worth telling? 100? 1,000? 10,000? What is that number for your story to matter?
For many, it just takes one person to need your story, just one person can make it worth overcoming your fears. If you could prevent someone from enduring your worst traumas, wouldn’t you? It doesn’t take many people to show they care about your story. You’ll find that number. When you’re vulnerable and share your story, it reaches those who need it. We can also be strategic about this. When you focus on helping people, everything else becomes easier.
ADDRESSING THE CURSE OF EXPERTISE
Page & Podium Exercise
How are we going to address this curse of expertise? It’s harder to see through that one, right? Here we’re going to make a list. You know you were thinking about, how many people do you need to reach? How many people need to care?
Now, let’s shift from the how many to the why. Why will they care? Here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to make a list of all of the problems that your story could help people solve. Now, most of these are going to be problems that you yourself went through or that you have some specialized expertise.
Maybe you’re a psychologist and you have had a lot of experience working with different folks, and you can share obviously an anonymized version of those stories to help people work through. What are the problems that you’re going to address? List as many as you can.
Page & Podium Exercise
Set a timer for 20 minutes and write down all the problems you can think of. When you look at this list, you will likely notice the challenges that people frequently struggle with. If you know that people have these issues, it is an ethical imperative that you make sure you share what you can to make their lives better.
It doesn’t have to be a book; it could be YouTube videos, a podcast, personal social media, or one-on-one conversations over coffee. If you can assist people in solving problems, why wouldn’t you step up? Let’s not let the fear of visibility call the shots and keep us from helping others.
How do we know if our book is worth writing? Well, it is worth writing. I believe that. Everybody has a story that is worth telling. If you feel ready to take on this new project to finally tackle that fear of visibility, finally break through your curse of expertise, I would love to help.
If you are ready to explore in earnest how you might tackle this project of your book, the easiest way to get started is to head over and take our 90 second memoir strategy quiz. You can find the link to that in the show notes, the description that’s below the video. I hope that you’ll reach out if we can help support you as you’re working through this process. It’s great to chat today.
Happy writing!
