When starting any long project, we all dread thoughts of mistakes we might make. It is even enough to keep us from starting something for fear it might go wrong. No creative process is ever going to be perfect and smooth from beginning to end. But not all memoir mistakes are created equal–some can easily be corrected (like the three typos I’ve already made in writing this week’s blog) and some will take major rewritting and overhauls in revision to correct. In this week’s video and in the blog post below, Amanda and I will outline some common pitfalls that you will want to avoid from the start in order to save yourself headache and frustration down the road.
Having a supportive community to be accountable to can really make all the difference to the writing process. Enrollment opens September 12 for the next cohort of The Memoir Method. Join the dozens of women who have used our system to start, finish, and publish their memoirs. Isn’t it time you seized the opportunity to get your story out there? Visit our Memoir Method homepage to learn more and apply today!
What makes an inspirational memoir
Inspirational memoirs are stories that lift people up and help them that see that there is always hope. Often this message is delivered through the telling of how you came through something really and truly challenging, whether that be domestive violence, trauma, mental or physical illness, social adversity, etc. Whatever the challenges of the story are, they are both very specific to you (the narrator’s) experience and carries inherent meaning and messages that is relevant to scores of others who may see a version of their own trials in yours.
Using the the hardest and most painful moments of your life to deliver an uplifting message might seem antithetical, but in fact that is part of what makes these messages possible to universalize. We all realize, at some point in our lives, that we are capable of more than what we once were or thought we were. That is part of the human experience, and sharing the specifics of our version of that epiphany can help others experience their own. As you probably have already figure out, writing about trauma is not an easy process go through. We have another blog on the subject of writing while healing from trauma that can help if you are struggling with how to put aside the heaviness of the experience in order to write about it.
We also have a post that explores the common strengths of inspirational memoirs and the importance of universalizing your message and experience in order to both practically reach your target market and emotionally move your target audience. However, there are somethings that can get in the way of sharing of experiences and weaken the overall message.
Memoir Mistake #1: Starting with Childhood Memories
One of the most common pitfalls in memoir writing is the tendency to start with childhood memories, especially when those memories seem to explain later trauma. Many first-time memoirists feel compelled to begin their story at the earliest possible point, often revisiting childhood memories in great detail. While it might feel natural to begin chronologically, doing so can turn your memoir into an exhaustive autobiography. So, why is this a problem?
Readers of autobiographies are fundamentally different than readers of inspirational memoir. When readers seek out autobiographies, they start by looking at names they recognize and already admire. If you’re a household name like Madonna, Barack Obama, or Meghan Markle, then you can structure your book on your whole life story because that is what the readers from from those books. For the rest of us, our stories have something different to offer.
Readers of inspirational memoirs are more interested in the pivotal event or struggle that your book promises to explore. Instead of starting with childhood experiences, begin with the moment that directly ties into the theme of your memoir. Use flashbacks or brief reflections to weave in earlier life experiences where they naturally enhance your story. In this way, you are focused on theme and story and using the narrative to demonstrate it, rather than telling the events of your life as an end unto themselves.
Memoir Mistake #2: Revealing the Ending too soon
It’s tempting to comfort your readers by hinting at a positive outcome early in your memoir. When we experience difficult times and are retelling them, it’s a natural urge to make sure that people know that we’re okay to save them the anxiety and worry that we felt ourselves through the experience. (In my family, whenever we have to share bad news over the phone, we have taken on the habit of even starting the conversation with “I’m okay.” This has backfired somewhat, as now we all hate it when our family says “I’m okay” because that’s usually followed by something like “but the car is not.”) When imparting hard things, its a natural instinct to reassure early and often.
However, in the context of a written narrative, this can diminish the emotional impact of your story. A compelling memoir should take readers on a journey, complete with the struggles and uncertainties you faced. By holding back on revealing the ending, you allow readers to fully experience the emotional arc of your narrative. Drop small clues or moments of hope along the way, but ensure that the resolution unfolds naturally toward the end. This keeps readers invested and enhances the overall inspirational message of your memoir.
Memoir Mistake #3: Relying on External Validation for a Satisfying Ending
Many authors believe that a satisfying memoir must conclude with some form of external validation—a court victory, a medical clearance, or another tangible win. This is a problem because life doesn’t always turn out this way. We call the stories where the protagonist is guaranteed to an external win comedies and they are universally fiction. Tragedies are fiction where the protagonist may lose, but the audience learns an important life lesson. Memoirs, like real life, are neither completely comedy or complete tragedy.
Also, many writers want to start their memoirs while they are still not quite at “the end.” You might be in the beginning stages of writing while things are still somewhat up in the air. Seeing people win in this measurable, external is not why people read inspiration memoirs, but rather seeing what they’ve learned. The lesson itself is the win.
The true power of a memoir lies in the internal growth and lessons learned along the way. Even if the external outcome isn’t what you hoped for, your memoir can still offer profound inspiration by focusing on the internal transformations you experienced. Readers are more interested in how you found meaning and strength in adversity than in whether you “won” in a conventional sense. Shift your focus from external to internal victories to craft a more meaningful and relatable memoir.
Memoir Mistake #4: Maintaining a Solemn Tone Throughout
It’s natural to want to convey the seriousness of your experiences, but maintaining a solemn tone throughout your memoir can alienate readers. A memoir that is unrelentingly heavy can be difficult to read and may prevent readers from fully engaging with your story. It feels unnatural to readers because in reality we don’t stay in that low heavy place all the time. Even in our darkest times, there are moments of lightness that are a reprieve or even a joy. It may feel strange to plan to put those moments in your story whose core subject may be very dark and heavy, but it creates another layer of relatability to your story. We might not plan to laugh during funeral receptions, but it often happens. Those moments allow the breathing room needed to really feel the impact of the experience and process it.
A great example of a title that utilizes a lighter tone well is Jennette McCurdy’s, I’m Glad My Mom Died. The themes of the book are incredibly heavy: parental abuse, eating disorders, and difficult grief. Throughout the book are moments of lightness and nostalagia that give the reader a break from all that heavy.
Balance the gravity of your subject matter with moments of lightness, humor, or joy. These lighter moments don’t detract from your message; rather, they make you more relatable and your story more accessible. By showing the full range of your humanity, you allow readers to connect with you on a deeper level and better understand your journey.
Memoir Mistake #5: Over-Emphasizing the Inspirational Message
Inspirational memoirs aim to convey a powerful message, but it’s important not to overstate your point. Readers want to draw their own conclusions and feel the emotional weight of your journey. In our Memoir Method program, we emphasize heavily that you should have your core topic and key message very clear to start, but also you should understand that the direct statement of these as single, overarching sentences are inward-facing statements. They go on top of your outline, not in your draft. Every scene, even each sentence, should point to them, but you don’t necessarily spell it out.
If your message is too overt, it can come across as preachy and detract from the authenticity of your story. Instead, focus on showing the experiences that led you to your insights. Let the lessons unfold naturally through your narrative, allowing readers to experience the journey with you. This approach ensures that your memoir remains impactful without overwhelming readers with an overemphasized moral.
