Many writers know they want to tell their story someday but recognizing when “someday” has arrived is harder than it sounds. How do you know when you’re really ready? We often emphasize the importance of the development or “prewriting” stages of writing, including planning and outlining a memoir. But lately, we’ve also realized that’s not really the beginning. Most of the time, you can’t sit down the day after the voice first calls to you. (That voice that whispers, “You should write a book.”) Beforeyou can start writing, or even prewriting, there are pre‑planning steps that set you up to succeed. In the video below, Amanda walks you through four practical questions to ask yourself and share concrete tips for the stage before prewriting, so you can move from vague intention to confident, focused preparation. Scroll on for a written version.
Reading is essential to improving your writing skills, and reading like a writer means seeing past the glossy end-result into a book’s structure and the author’s choices about how the story is told. Learning to read like a writer doesn’t mean learning how to merely imitate but learning the craft by example. We’re excited to announce the launch of our Memoir Method Book Club! Your first session is free, so sign up to save your seat here.
Why not just start?
Whether you just had the idea or have been mulling for a long time, you might feel eager to just start writing right now. We’re not trying to stop you! Doing some initial free writing, journaling, or brainstorming writing is a great exercise while you’re excited to express some ideas and thinking about writing a memoir. But in our experience working with authors and working on our own projects, trying to dive in before you’re ready, and then judging that writing as a first draft, might be more discouraging or confusing than taking your time. If you feel like writing some ideas down in a free-form, diving-in way, go ahead, but we advise you to categorize this writing for yourself as prewriting or even pre-prewriting. Journaling can generate a lot of great ideas for your memoir. It will give you the freedom to get those nagging ideas on paper without the pressure of building a draft.
It’s tempting to visualize a book coming out the same way we read one—first word to last, with some natural breaks at convenient moments along the way. But books aren’t constructed that way. It takes a long time to write a book start to finish. For a strong narrative to be cohesive, compelling, and polished, a good bit of planning is necessary so you can stay on the right track over the months (or years) it takes to write. Many writers have some misconceptions about steps like outlining that they associate with English class more than the literature or memoirs they enjoy reading personally, but outlining can be a truly (and helpful) part of the process.
Before you even get to outlining, however, you want to make sure you’re cognitively and emotionally prepared to get that story on the page in a form you’re proud to share with others. Ask yourself these questions to test if your memoir idea is done percolating and ready for concrete first steps.
Do you know what one story you want to tell?
The first thing to decide is whether you can commit to one clear story, with a key message at its heart. Memoirs are not autobiographies, so the goal is not to compress a lifetime into a single book. A strong memoir has a single throughline—a central arc that gives the narrative shape and emotional focus. We all live lives complicated enough that we experience many of these narrative arcs through our lifetimes. You might have trouble sorting through multiple life threads, and it can be difficult to find a single focus that shows you which story you want this book to tell and which details belong to other projects.
Amanda recently worked through this decision while developing a memoir about leaving academia. In the same years of time, she also learned a lot about re-learning self‑trust after an abusive relationship. Both are true and important, but they ask the reader to follow different journeys. That meant Amanda had to make a hard editorial decision: what truly belongs to this book and what material should be saved for a separate potential project.
In our real, off-the-page lives, different influences and spheres of our lives are intertwined and hard to separate, but for a memoir to feel cohesive and emotionally satisfying, it needs a single topical focus at its center. That doesn’t mean your stories can’t touch—relationships can appear in a career memoir, and career moments can shape a relationship—but every scene should serve the single story you’ve chosen.
Have you spoken to a mental health professional?
Before you move into development, make sure you’ve spoken with someone who can be your mental health support. Authors gain enormous value from having someone who can help them look inward and honestly assess whether they’re ready to begin this work.
Readiness for writing about healing, trauma, or difficult relationships is highly subjective. “Ready enough” looks different for everyone: some writers begin while still processing, others wait years. Memoir writing is work, so you need to be able to approach the day’s writing task with enough emotional distance to tell the truth without causing renewed distress every time, and that requires time and space to process before putting those scenes on the page.
Mental health support often serves more than one role. Even beyond emotional support, a therapist who has accompanied you through healing can act as a sounding board, helping you clarify what you want to say and reflecting back whether your intentions feel honest and focused. That clarity can also be invaluable when you’re deciding which material belongs in this book and which belongs in another project.
There are many forms of mental health support, and a therapist is only one option. Make a connection that works for you, whether it’s a therapist, life coach, trusted friends or family, or a clergy person, because an outside perspective helps you see where you are in the healing journey and what you’re ready to take away from it.
Have you reached “the end” of your memoir’s story?
The third step in pre‑prewriting is to consider whether you’ve actually reached the end of the memoir you want to write. This question can be especially tricky when the events are recent or even ongoing. On the one hand, it’s easy to keep waiting for a definitive closing moment, but as we know, events tend to lead on to other events, which tie into other events. So while you’re waiting for something that screams “the end,” you might actually be losing focus on that one story you want to tell.
Think about what emotional or thematic endpoint would make this story feel complete. For her memoir, Amanda wanted her book to include the founding of Page and Podium, but that wasn’t “the end” because it would cut off the personal growth that came from building it. Founding a company might be a more cut-and-dry life event than something quieter, but the end of memoir is where you have reached an emotional understanding.
There’s no perfect right or wrong choice here, just like life isn’t neatly divided into satisfying chapters. Remember that choosing the end is only choosing the end for your book, not all your stories. When you feel like you have a good sense for how you could wrap up that topic, it’s probably time to get started.
Can you share the story, including the other characters, fairly and thoughtfully?
In memoir, you are the protagonist, the central character. Other people in your life become characters in your story—including sometimes antagonists. Presenting real people as characters faithfully and convincing takes some honesty and self-interrogation. Be honest with yourself about whether you can write those people fairly and thoughtfully rather than as targets for revenge. If you find yourself wanting to take to the page to show how right you were and how wrong they were, you might not be ready.
In preparing her memoir, Amanda found that letting go of the need for restitution or an apology—not necessarily forgiving in the sense of reconciliation, but rather releasing the grip of bitterness—made it possible to portray difficult people with nuance and to keep the narrative credible rather than vindictive.
Pay attention to the emotional charge that surfaces when you think about certain scenes or people. If the impulse is “wait until they read this, I’ll show them,” then you may want to step back. Writing a memoir isn’t going to get that apology, victory, or concession you might be reaching for, but it can help others who have struggled through difficult times and with difficult people. If you can think about those scenes from a state of relative calm with the feeling that you can share the story fairly and with honestly, then you’re likely ready to tell it.
That is not to say you won’t feel any emotional strain while writing. Memoirs often stem from highly emotional experiences, and waiting for those feelings to die away completely is a good path to waiting forever. At the end of the day, it’s your decision whether it’s time to take a step forward or let it steep for a while longer.
Check in with us
When it comes to creative expression, what matters most is whether the work feels fulfilling and true to you. Trust your gut—there are no hard rules for readiness, but when that itch appears, lean into it. If we can help you figure out whether you’re ready to begin, that’s one of our specialties; head to pageandpodium.com/contact to book a time to chat. We’ll ask a few questions about your book, why you want to write it, and what it might mean for you, then work through whether now is the right moment to start. Until then, happy writing and happy planning—we’ll talk soon.
PS. Searching the internet for writing, publishing, and book marketing advice can be exhausting to say the least! If you’re ready for hands on, one-on-one support for your memoir, check out The Memoir Method. We’d love to welcome you into this nine-month group program specially designed for women writing their first memoirs. And don’t forget, if you’d like to chat with Amanda about the program (or any other services we offer), you can book a free consult any time!
